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[Man Narrating]
As the 21st century began...

2
00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:55,464
human evolution was
at a turning point.

3
00:00:55,574 --> 00:01:00,515
Natural selection, the process by which
the strongest, the smartest...

4
00:01:00,615 --> 00:01:04,176
the fastest reproduced
in greater numbers than the rest...

5
00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:08,117
a process which had once
favored the noblest traits of man...

6
00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:10,628
now began to favor
different traits.

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[ Reporter]
The joey Buttafuoco case

8
00:01:12,728 --> 00:01:16,529
Most science fiction of the day
predicted a future that was more civilized...

9
00:01:16,629 --> 00:01:18,730
and more intelligent.

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00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,861
But as time went on, things seemed
to be heading in the opposite direction.

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A dumbing down.

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How did this happen?

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Evolution does not necessarily
reward intelligence.

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With no natural predators
to thin the herd...

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it began to simply reward those
who reproduced the most...

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and left the intelligent
to become an endangered species.

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Having kids is such
an important decision.

18
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We're just waiting
for the right time.

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It's not something you want
to rush into, obviously.

20
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No way.

21
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Oh, shit,
I'm pregnant again!

22
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Shit!
I got too many damn kids!

23
00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:01,381
I thought you was on the pill or some shit!
Hell, no!

24
00:02:01,491 --> 00:02:03,461
Shit! I must've been
thinkin' of Brittany.

25
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Brittany?.
No, you didn't!

26
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There's no way we could have a child now.
Mm-mm.

27
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Not with the market
the way it is, no.

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God, no. That just
wouldn't make any sense.

29
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Come on over here, bitch!
He don't care about you!

30
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Yeah?. Well, there must be
somethin' he likes over here.

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She don't mean nothin' to me, baby!
Clevon!

32
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Oh, shit.
It wasn't me! It wasn't me!

33
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Well, we finally decided
to have children...

34
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and I'm not pointing fingers,
but it's not going well.

35
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And this is helping.

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I'm just saying that before I have in vitro,
maybe you should bewilling to

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It's always me, right?.

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Well, it's not
my sperm count.

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Yeah! Yeah!
I'm gonna fuck all y'all!

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That's my boy!

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Whoo! Whoo!

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Clevon is lucky
to be alive.

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He attempted to jump
a jet Ski from a lake...

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into a swimming pool
and impaled his crotch on an iron gate.

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But thanks to recent advances
in stem cell research...

46
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and the fine work of Doctors Krinski
and Altschuler...

47
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Clevon should regain
full reproductive function.

48
00:03:08,109 --> 00:03:10,009
Get your hands
off my junk!

49
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Unfortunately, Trevor passed away
from a heart attack...

50
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while masturbating...

51
00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:22,752
to produce sperm
for artificial insemination.

52
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But I have
some eggs frozen...

53
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so just as soon as the right guy
comes along, you know

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[ Clevon Shouting]

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[ Narrator]
And so it went for generations...

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although few, if any,
seemed to notice.

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But in the year 2005, in a military base
just outside of Washington, D.C....

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a simple army librarian
was unknowingly...

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about to change the entire course
of human history.

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Come on, asshole!
Go on! Take him to jail!

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Hey, Bauers.

62
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This is Peterson,
your new replacement.

63
00:04:02,613 --> 00:04:06,474
My what?. I'm gettin' replaced?.
Yeah, they didn't tell you?.

64
00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:08,675
No.
Some new assignment.

65
00:04:08,785 --> 00:04:11,085
They're being all weird
and hush-hush about it.

66
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:14,016
I don't want a new assignment.
I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time.

67
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I'm good at this.
Good at what?. Sittin' on ass?.

68
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No one ever comes in here.

69
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Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me.
No one bothers me. I can't screw up.

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Ifl can just stay in here another eight years,
I get my pension.

71
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I'm all set. Can you just
get me out of this?.

72
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No way. Not this time.
It's coming from high up.

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Jesus. I don't understand.
Why me?.

74
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Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow,
or get out of the way," I get out of the way.

75
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When he says that, you're not supposed
to choose "get out of the way."

76
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It's supposed to embarrass you
into leading or at least following.

77
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That doesn't
embarrass me.

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Look,joe.
You don't have a choice.

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You're just gonna
have to follow.

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Like, follow me upstairs,
like, now.

81
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Right now?.
Shouldn't I train this guy?.

82
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I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass
and watch TV all day. Let's go.

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[Man ]
Gentlemen, meet joe Bauers...

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our first subject for the Human
Hibernation Experiment.

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Now, as you know,
throughout the years...

86
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many of our best pilots,
soldiers and military leaders...

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of ten go their entire careers
without ever seeing battle.

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With the Human Hibernation Project,
we will be able to save our best men...

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frozen in their prime,
for use when they are needed most.

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Joe, here, is not
one of our best men.

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Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily
for how remarkably average he is.

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Extremely average in every
category. Remarkable, truly.

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The most average person
in our entire armed forces.

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Additionally, he has no family,
is unmarried...

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is an only child,
and both parents are deceased...

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making him an ideal candidate,
with no one to ask any nosy questions...

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should something go wrong
with the experiment.

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We had a little less luck in finding a female
researcher's dream within our ranks...

99
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and were forced to look
into the private sector.

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This is Rita. Like joe,
she has no immediate family.

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Rita agreed to participate
in this experiment...

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in exchange for dropping
of certain criminal charges and a small fee.

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We did, however, have to come
to an arrangement with her pimp...

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a gentleman who goes by the name
Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly-

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With two D's, as he says,
for a double dose of this pimping.

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Upgrayedd agreed
to loan us Rita for exactly one year...

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and keep quiet on the matter,
in exchange for certain leeways...

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with the local authorities
in running his pimp game.

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First, however, there was
the difficult challenge of gaining his trust.

110
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Collins, could we skip
to the technicals, please?

111
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Sure.
Let me just finish here.

112
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You see, a pimp's love is very different
from that of a square.

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Collins!

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Fine. We'll move on.

115
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It is a fascinating
world though.

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Jesus, Collins.

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Yeah, that's
[ Clears Throat ]

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Anyway, the experiment
in which these two subjects...

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are to be placed
into a dry freeze...

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for exactly one year
is set to begin tomorrow.

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As you know,
this is highly classified.

122
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However, if successful, we believe humans
can be stored indefinitely.

123
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So this is kinda crazy, huh?.

124
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What unit are you with?.
Oh, I ain't in the service.

125
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Oh, private sector.
Okay.

126
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So, uh, what do you do?.
A little of this, a little of that.

127
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Wow, that's great.

128
00:08:06,847 --> 00:08:09,688
You know, I really envy people
that can make a living that way

129
00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:11,819
doing a little of this
and a little of that.

130
00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:16,730
I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen.
He used to make chainsaw sculptures...

131
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,731
and then he'd sell 'em
at the flea market.

132
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,731
Yeah.

133
00:08:22,672 --> 00:08:25,602
So, uh, you an artist
or somethin'?.

134
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,814
Uh, yeah.
You do paintings or

135
00:08:29,914 --> 00:08:32,384
Yeah, paintings.
Okay, great.

136
00:08:33,985 --> 00:08:36,645
Mm-hmm.
What do you paint mostly?.

137
00:08:38,296 --> 00:08:42,817
I don't know, just...
people and fruit and shit.

138
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Wow. Well, must be great to be able
to make a living doing something you love.

139
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[ Scoffs ]
Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

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[ Door Opens ]
[ Collins ] Who wants to go first?

141
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,200
Me.

142
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[ Machinery Whirring]
What the f Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh.

143
00:09:03,352 --> 00:09:07,053
Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that
with the I.V.s attached and all.

144
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:10,254
What's the matter?.
Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me
they'd be putting me...

145
00:09:10,364 --> 00:09:12,455
in no damn coffin
with tubes and shit!

146
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:15,556
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
It'll be safe. Trust me.

147
00:09:15,676 --> 00:09:17,226
Who's Upgrayedd?.

148
00:09:17,336 --> 00:09:19,307
He's my boyfriend.

149
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,617
Man, how doyou know
this shit's safe?.

150
00:09:22,717 --> 00:09:24,618
These guys know what they're doing.
Don't worry.

151
00:09:24,718 --> 00:09:27,479
They've tested it on dogs
and everything.

152
00:09:27,589 --> 00:09:30,450
What happens is, the drugs will kick in,
we drift off to sleep...

153
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,550
we wake up in a year,
you'll be paintin' again.

154
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:34,651
It'll be fine.
All right.

155
00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:38,662
Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name.
Is he Dutch?.

156
00:09:40,002 --> 00:09:43,333
See, 'cause I knew this,
uh, Dutch exchange student.

157
00:09:43,443 --> 00:09:44,963
His name was Untgrad.

158
00:09:45,073 --> 00:09:47,104
Okay, my niggas,
we're almost set here.

159
00:09:47,214 --> 00:09:50,015
Just go ahead
and lie down. Relax.

160
00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:54,116
[ Equipment Beeping ]

161
00:09:59,297 --> 00:10:01,088
See you in a year.

162
00:10:01,198 --> 00:10:03,858
[Narrator]
The Human Hibernation Project...

163
00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:06,989
was one of the army's most
ambitious experiments...

164
00:10:07,099 --> 00:10:09,940
and one of its most secretive.

165
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,471
But it was not immune
from human error.

166
00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:17,212
Freeze!

167
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,212
[ Groans ]

168
00:10:25,864 --> 00:10:29,595
Soon after Collins 's arrest
and the massive scandal that followed...

169
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:32,466
the base was closed.

170
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:37,267
It hadn't even been a year,
and the entire project was simply forgotten.

171
00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:43,409
Things looked bleak for joe,
but they were even worse for mankind.

172
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:46,780
As joe and Rita lay dormant,
the years passed...

173
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:50,911
and mankind became stupider
at a frightening rate.

174
00:10:59,603 --> 00:11:03,404
Some had high hopes
that genetic engineering...

175
00:11:03,504 --> 00:11:05,495
would correct this
trend in evolution.

176
00:11:05,615 --> 00:11:08,776
But sadly, the greatest minds
and resources...

177
00:11:08,886 --> 00:11:13,747
were focused on conquering hair loss
and prolonging erections.

178
00:11:13,857 --> 00:11:16,217
[ Orangutan Chattering ]

179
00:11:16,328 --> 00:11:21,759
Meanwhile, the population exploded,
and intelligence continued to decline...

180
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:26,460
until humanity was incapable
of solving even its most basic problems.

181
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:31,562
Like garbage, which had been stacked
for centuries with no plan whatsoever...

182
00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:36,543
Leading to the Great Garbage
Avalanche of 2505...

183
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:41,984
which would set in motion the events
that would change the world forever.

184
00:11:42,094 --> 00:11:45,055
[ Backup Warning Beeping ]

185
00:12:16,033 --> 00:12:18,794
Hold on.
[ Man On TV] Next, on The Violence Channel...

186
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,135
an all-new Ow! My Balls!

187
00:12:27,316 --> 00:12:29,647
[ Screaming ]

188
00:12:33,618 --> 00:12:37,489
All right. [ Chuckling ]
[ Beeping ]

189
00:12:37,589 --> 00:12:39,960
[ Snarling ]
[ Screaming ]

190
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,400
[ Chuckling ]

191
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,401
[ Groans ]

192
00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:46,991
[ Man Watching TV]
That guy got hit in the balls.

193
00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:49,632
Ow, my balls!

194
00:12:49,742 --> 00:12:53,513
[ Groans ]
[ Man On TV Screaming ]

195
00:12:53,613 --> 00:12:55,514
Huh?.

196
00:12:55,614 --> 00:12:58,514
[ Groaning ]

197
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:03,146
[TV. Tires Squealing, Man Screaming]
[ Man Watching TV Laughs ]

198
00:13:03,256 --> 00:13:05,746
[joe ] Where's-
Hold on. Shut up!

199
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:10,368
[ Man Laughing]

200
00:13:10,468 --> 00:13:12,438
[ Tires Squealing ]

201
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,510
Where's Officer Collins?.
Shut up!

202
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:24,241
[ Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls!,
Hormel goes to Paris!

203
00:13:24,351 --> 00:13:29,083
Are we on base?.
I'm gonna base your ass on my fist.

204
00:13:29,193 --> 00:13:32,634
In your face, ass!
Shut up.

205
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,854
I'm sorry. It's just-
Where am I?

206
00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:37,165
Shut up!
I told you already!

207
00:13:37,265 --> 00:13:39,205
[ Flushes ]

208
00:13:44,377 --> 00:13:47,537
Yeah! Wouldn't shut up!

209
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:49,308
Come in here
and not shut up.

210
00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:52,979
Yeah,you were like,
"I'm not shuttin'up, "and I was like-

211
00:14:08,173 --> 00:14:10,574
[ Narrator]
Unaware of what year it was...

212
00:14:10,674 --> 00:14:13,674
Joe wandered the streets,
desperate for help.

213
00:14:13,784 --> 00:14:16,145
But the English language
had deteriorated...

214
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:21,346
into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl,
inner-city slang and various grunts.

215
00:14:21,456 --> 00:14:24,897
Joe was able to understand them...
[ Indistinct ]

216
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:28,368
but when he spoke
in an ordinary voice...

217
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,059
he sounded pompous
and faggy to them.

218
00:14:47,293 --> 00:14:50,654
[ Man On P.A. ]
Paging Doc[ Slurring ]

219
00:14:54,265 --> 00:14:57,206
Report to, uh-

220
00:14:57,306 --> 00:15:01,707
Dr. Lueboo...

221
00:15:01,807 --> 00:15:03,037
uh, report.

222
00:15:03,147 --> 00:15:06,008
Your floor Your floor is now clean.
[ Beeping ]

223
00:15:06,118 --> 00:15:08,349
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.

224
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,819
Your floor-
Your flooris now clean.

225
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:16,051
Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment,
and I'm not feeling so well.

226
00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:18,752
I think it might have been
the drugs they had me on.

227
00:15:18,862 --> 00:15:20,992
I've been hallucinating.

228
00:15:21,102 --> 00:15:23,573
My head is just killin' me.

229
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,694
My-My-My joints
are all achy and l-

230
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:30,345
Is this a hospital or-

231
00:15:30,445 --> 00:15:34,576
Actually, I don't even know where I am.
[ Beeps ]

232
00:15:34,686 --> 00:15:36,916
[ Electronic Voice ] Please proceed
to the diagnostic area on the right...

233
00:15:37,016 --> 00:15:41,358
and have a healthy day!
Oh. Thanks.

234
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,218
Thank you!

235
00:15:54,341 --> 00:15:58,442
U h, 'scuse me. I think this
might be Gatorade or somethin'.

236
00:15:58,552 --> 00:16:01,453
I was just looking for some regular water.
Water?.

237
00:16:01,553 --> 00:16:04,574
Yeah.
You mean like in the toilet?. What for?.

238
00:16:04,684 --> 00:16:07,594
You know,just to drink.

239
00:16:09,525 --> 00:16:11,756
[ Laughing ]

240
00:16:11,866 --> 00:16:15,667
[ Continues Laughing ]

241
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:17,637
[Electronic Tune ]
[Electronic Voice ] You've got hepatitis!

242
00:16:17,737 --> 00:16:20,498
Oh, is someone not
feeling well?

243
00:16:20,608 --> 00:16:24,169
Your illness
is very important to us.

244
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,150
[ Man ] Next.
[ Electronic Voice ] Welcome
to the Health master Inferno...

245
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,280
powered byjormi Technology.
U h, this goes i n your mouth.

246
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:34,822
This one goes in your ear.
And this one goes in your butt.

247
00:16:37,592 --> 00:16:38,793
Come on.

248
00:16:38,903 --> 00:16:41,803
Hurry up, asshole!
Come on!

249
00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:45,835
[ Beeping]
Shit. Hang on a second.

250
00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:50,046
This oneNo.

251
00:16:50,146 --> 00:16:51,976
Hey, come on.
Uh-

252
00:16:52,086 --> 00:16:55,277
Hurry up!
This one. This one goes in your mouth.

253
00:16:57,658 --> 00:16:59,558
Come on!

254
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:08,120
[ Electronic Voice ] Thank you for waiting.
Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.

255
00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:16,473
That's a weird misprint.

256
00:17:17,813 --> 00:17:21,684
Hey.
How's it hang, ese?

257
00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:25,485
Yeah. Right.
Well, not so good, you know.

258
00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:28,586
I don't really know what's going on,
but I'm seein' things.

259
00:17:28,696 --> 00:17:31,597
I think it might be because of
these drugs the army put me on.

260
00:17:31,697 --> 00:17:35,398
But, if you could, uh,just get me
well enough to get back to base-

261
00:17:35,508 --> 00:17:38,168
Right. Kick ass.

262
00:17:38,268 --> 00:17:41,399
Well, don't wanna sound
like a dick or nothin'...

263
00:17:41,509 --> 00:17:44,340
but, uh, it says on your chart
that you're fucked up.

264
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:47,941
You talk like a fag,
and your shit's all retarded.

265
00:17:48,051 --> 00:17:52,422
What I 'd do is just like,
like, you know...

266
00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:55,963
Iike,you know what I mean? Like-
[ Chuckles ]

267
00:17:56,063 --> 00:18:00,334
No, I'm serious here.
[ Chuckles ] Don't worry, scrot.

268
00:18:00,434 --> 00:18:03,465
Now there are plenty of'tards
out there living really kick-ass lives.

269
00:18:03,575 --> 00:18:06,936
My first wife was 'tarded.
She's a pilot now.

270
00:18:07,046 --> 00:18:10,907
I need for you to be serious
for a second here, okay?. I need help.

271
00:18:11,017 --> 00:18:12,778
There's that fag talk
we talked about.

272
00:18:12,888 --> 00:18:16,719
All right, so that'll be...
this many dollars.

273
00:18:16,819 --> 00:18:20,880
And if you could just go ahead and,
like, put your tattoo in that shit.

274
00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:24,931
That's weird. This thing has the same
misprint as that magazine.

275
00:18:25,031 --> 00:18:29,092
What are the odds of-
Where's your tattoo?. Tattoo?.

276
00:18:29,202 --> 00:18:31,973
Why don't you have this?

277
00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:36,574
Oh, God.

278
00:18:39,254 --> 00:18:41,745
Where's your tattoo?
Oh, my God.

279
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:44,326
Why come you don't
have a tattoo?

280
00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:48,987
[joe ] Oh, my God!
You're not unscannable, are you?

281
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,428
Oh, my God!

282
00:18:52,538 --> 00:18:55,969
You're unscannable.
[ Alarm Wailing ]

283
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,870
Unscannable!
No! No, you don't understand!

284
00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:01,540
You gotta let me talk
to someone in the army! Wait a second.

285
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,481
They're all dead.
Everybody I know's dead!

286
00:19:04,581 --> 00:19:06,312
Oh, my God! Oh!

287
00:19:06,422 --> 00:19:08,282
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]

288
00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:11,553
No! Stop! Calm down!
Calm down! Calm down!

289
00:19:11,653 --> 00:19:13,824
How'd this happen?.
How did it happen?.

290
00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:17,155
[Alarm Continues ]
Your floor is now clean.

291
00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:19,525
Your floor is now clean.

292
00:19:39,931 --> 00:19:43,862
[ Narrator ]
Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.

293
00:19:43,962 --> 00:19:47,192
The economy was
in a state of deep neglect.

294
00:19:47,302 --> 00:19:50,763
A great dust bowl
had ravaged food supplies.

295
00:19:50,873 --> 00:19:55,715
And the number one movie
in the country was called Ass.

296
00:19:55,815 --> 00:19:57,405
[ All Laughing ]

297
00:19:57,515 --> 00:20:00,646
And that's all it was
for 90 minutes.

298
00:20:00,756 --> 00:20:02,717
[ Movie: Farting ]

299
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:07,918
It won eight Oscars that year,
including best screenplay.

300
00:20:11,999 --> 00:20:15,100
[ Electronic Voice ]
Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries.

301
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,201
You didn't gimme no fries.
I got an empty box.

302
00:20:18,311 --> 00:20:21,141
Would you like another
Extra Big-Ass Fries?.

303
00:20:21,241 --> 00:20:22,942
I said I didn't get any.

304
00:20:23,052 --> 00:20:24,912
[Electronic Voice ]
Thank you. Your account has been charged.

305
00:20:25,012 --> 00:20:26,913
Your balance is zero.

306
00:20:27,023 --> 00:20:30,514
What?. Oh, no. No!
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.

307
00:20:30,624 --> 00:20:32,524
[ Beeping ]
I'm sorry you're having trouble.

308
00:20:32,624 --> 00:20:35,155
Come on! My kids are starvin'.
I'm sorry you're having trouble.

309
00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:37,566
[ Buzzes ]

310
00:20:37,666 --> 00:20:40,156
This should
help you calm down.

311
00:20:40,266 --> 00:20:43,137
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.

312
00:20:43,237 --> 00:20:48,439
Your kids are starving. Carl's jr. believes
no child should go hungry.

313
00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:53,510
You are an unfit mother. Your children
will be placed in the custody of Carl's jr.

314
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,651
Carl's jr.
"Fuck you. I'm eating."

315
00:20:57,991 --> 00:20:59,822
Welcome to Carl's jr.

316
00:20:59,932 --> 00:21:03,523
Would you like to try
our Extra Big-Ass Taco...

317
00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:06,193
now with more molecules?.

318
00:21:06,303 --> 00:21:09,294
Hey! Is this particular
individual the unfit mother?

319
00:21:09,404 --> 00:21:13,345
Me?. No.
Okay. This particular individual is unscannable.

320
00:21:16,716 --> 00:21:18,977
Listen, I can explain, okay?.
I was in an army experiment.

321
00:21:21,887 --> 00:21:24,488
Wait a second. There's the other pod
from the army experiment.

322
00:21:24,588 --> 00:21:26,859
There was a girl.
She was from the same experiment.

323
00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:30,330
Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir.
[ Groaning ]

324
00:21:30,430 --> 00:21:32,460
[ Narrator]joe was arrested for
not paying his hospital bill...

325
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:36,001
and not having
his U.P.C.. tattoo.

326
00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:41,413
He would soon discover that
in the future,justice was not only blind...

327
00:21:41,513 --> 00:21:45,314
but had become
rather retarded as well.

328
00:21:45,414 --> 00:21:48,384
You shut up! Now
[ Clears Throat ]

329
00:21:50,095 --> 00:21:52,826
I'm fixin' to commensurate
this trial here.

330
00:21:52,926 --> 00:21:57,557
We gonna see if we can't
come up with a verdict up in here.

331
00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:01,828
Now, since y'all
say you ain't got no money...

332
00:22:01,938 --> 00:22:05,269
we have "proprietarily"
obtained for you...

333
00:22:05,379 --> 00:22:09,210
one of them
court-appointed lawyers.

334
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:14,341
So, put your hands together
and give it up for Frito Pendejo.

335
00:22:14,451 --> 00:22:16,182
You're my lawyer?.

336
00:22:16,292 --> 00:22:20,623
Says here you, uh,
robbed a hospital?.

337
00:22:20,733 --> 00:22:23,134
Why'd you do that?.
Yeah. I 'm not guilty.

338
00:22:23,234 --> 00:22:26,034
That's not what the other lawyer said.
What do you mean what the

339
00:22:26,134 --> 00:22:28,105
Listen, you gotta get me
on the stand, okay?.

340
00:22:28,205 --> 00:22:31,196
I can explain everything. We can take 'em
to your house, show 'em the pod.

341
00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:33,576
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

342
00:22:33,676 --> 00:22:37,117
Now, prosecutor,
why you think he done it?

343
00:22:37,217 --> 00:22:40,248
Okay, number one, Your Honor,
just look at him.

344
00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:42,789
[ All Laughing ]

345
00:22:42,889 --> 00:22:45,880
He talks like a fag too.
[ Laughing Continues ]

346
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,691
And "B," we've got all this,
like, evidence...

347
00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:52,731
of how, like, this guy didn't
even pay at the hospital.

348
00:22:52,841 --> 00:22:55,772
And I heard that he doesn't
even have his tattoo.

349
00:22:55,872 --> 00:22:58,143
[ Crowd Grumbling]
I know!

350
00:22:58,243 --> 00:23:01,774
And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me."
But check this out, man.

351
00:23:01,884 --> 00:23:04,785
Judge should be like, "Guilty."
Peace.

352
00:23:04,885 --> 00:23:07,475
[ Crowd Cheering ]

353
00:23:09,896 --> 00:23:13,187
Objection!
What are you objectifyin' on?.

354
00:23:13,297 --> 00:23:15,557
Come on.just get me on the stand.
Okay.

355
00:23:16,598 --> 00:23:19,328
Um, Your Honor?.
Hmm?.

356
00:23:19,438 --> 00:23:21,269
I object...

357
00:23:21,369 --> 00:23:25,370
that this guy also broke
my apartment to shit.

358
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,471
Yeah.
What?.

359
00:23:27,581 --> 00:23:32,112
And you know what else?. I object that
he's not gonna have any money to pay me...

360
00:23:32,222 --> 00:23:35,353
after he pays back all the money
he stole from the hospital!

361
00:23:35,453 --> 00:23:37,453
Don't say I stole.
You're my lawyer.

362
00:23:37,563 --> 00:23:39,494
And I object.

363
00:23:39,594 --> 00:23:43,465
I object that he interrupted me
while I was watching Ow! My Balls!

364
00:23:43,565 --> 00:23:48,026
[ All Booing ]
That is not okay! And I rest my case!

365
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:50,537
Your Honor, I'm pretty sure
we have a mistrial here, sir.

366
00:23:50,647 --> 00:23:54,008
I'm gonna mistrial my foot up
your ass, you don't shut up.
[ All Laughing ]

367
00:23:54,118 --> 00:23:56,578
Please, listen.
"Please, listen."

368
00:23:56,688 --> 00:23:58,409
[ All Laughing ]
I didn't steal anything.

369
00:23:58,519 --> 00:24:00,419
I was part ofan army
experiment

370
00:24:00,519 --> 00:24:03,520
[Narrator]
Joe statedhis case logicallyandpassionately...

371
00:24:03,630 --> 00:24:08,722
but his perceived effeminate voice
only drew big gales ofstupid laughter.

372
00:24:08,832 --> 00:24:10,492
Guilty!
[ Crowd Cheering ]

373
00:24:10,602 --> 00:24:15,233
Without adequate legal representation,
Joe was given a stiffsentence.

374
00:24:15,343 --> 00:24:20,045
Meanwhile, Rita had awakened
to find that the world's oldest profession...

375
00:24:20,145 --> 00:24:23,385
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.

376
00:24:23,385 --> 00:24:24,246
was a lot easier when the world
is populated by morons.

377
00:24:24,356 --> 00:24:28,087
[ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner,
Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance.

378
00:24:28,187 --> 00:24:30,557
Please say the name
of the person you wish to call.

379
00:24:30,657 --> 00:24:32,488
Upgrayedd.

380
00:24:33,628 --> 00:24:38,189
There are 9,726 listings
for Upgrayedd.

381
00:24:38,299 --> 00:24:40,570
Please deposit $2,000
to begin connection.

382
00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:42,570
Man, what?.
Oh, yeah, baby.

383
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,141
Hey, look, can you just
can you wait a second, please?.

384
00:24:45,241 --> 00:24:49,612
Oh, yeah, baby.
I can wait so good.

385
00:24:50,653 --> 00:24:52,583
Really?.

386
00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:56,224
Think, uh You think maybe
you could wait a day?.

387
00:24:56,324 --> 00:24:58,455
Baby, I can wait two days.

388
00:24:58,565 --> 00:25:03,126
Huh. That's good,
'cause I charge by the hour.

389
00:25:03,236 --> 00:25:07,177
Oh, yeah?. Well, you gonna be glad
you waited, baby.

390
00:25:07,277 --> 00:25:09,177
Thank you very much,
young man.

391
00:25:11,448 --> 00:25:13,109
What the fuck?.

392
00:25:13,219 --> 00:25:15,739
God damn, shit's changed
in a year.

393
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,650
What are we doin' here?.

394
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,251
Okay, sir, we're engaged
in procuring your tattoo.

395
00:25:25,262 --> 00:25:28,423
[ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to
the Identity Processing Program of America.

396
00:25:28,533 --> 00:25:33,194
Please insert your forearm
into the forearm receptacle.

397
00:25:34,304 --> 00:25:36,205
Thank you.
[Mechanical Whirring]

398
00:25:36,315 --> 00:25:40,266
Please speak your name as it appears
on your current federal identity card

399
00:25:40,386 --> 00:25:43,787
Document number G24L8.
I'm not sure if-

400
00:25:43,887 --> 00:25:47,878
You have entered the name "Not Sure."
Is this correct, Not Sure?.

401
00:25:47,988 --> 00:25:49,888
No, it's not correct.
[ Dings ]

402
00:25:49,998 --> 00:25:53,589
Thank you. "Not" is correct.
Is "Sure" correct?.

403
00:25:53,699 --> 00:25:55,720
No, it's not. My name is joe
[ Beeping]

404
00:25:55,830 --> 00:25:57,670
You've already confirmed
your first name is Not.

405
00:25:57,770 --> 00:26:01,401
Please confirm your last name, ""Sure."
My

406
00:26:01,511 --> 00:26:03,912
My last name is not Sure.
[ Dings ]

407
00:26:04,012 --> 00:26:06,643
Thank you, Not Sure.
No. What I mean is my name is joe.

408
00:26:06,753 --> 00:26:12,084
Confirmation is complete. Please wait
while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.

409
00:26:14,195 --> 00:26:17,025
Wait a second. Can we start over?.
Can I cancel this?.
[ Buzzing ]

410
00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:19,566
Can we cancel this and just go back
to the beginning?.

411
00:26:19,666 --> 00:26:22,897
They're gonna tattoo.
Could I speak to your supervisor?.

412
00:26:23,007 --> 00:26:26,028
Ow!
Please hold still for your photograph.

413
00:26:27,708 --> 00:26:31,169
[ Whirring ]
[ Beeping ]

414
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,111
Oh, that's fuckin' great.

415
00:26:40,662 --> 00:26:42,562
Okay, sir...

416
00:26:42,662 --> 00:26:46,993
now we will begin to proceed
to obtain your I.Q and "apitude" tests.

417
00:26:47,103 --> 00:26:49,034
What for?.

418
00:26:49,134 --> 00:26:53,365
Okay, sir, this is to figure out
what your "aptude's" good at...

419
00:26:53,475 --> 00:26:58,606
and get you a jail job while
you're being a particular individual in jail.

420
00:26:58,716 --> 00:27:01,647
[ Electronic Voice ]
If you have one bucket that holds two gallons...

421
00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:04,308
and another bucket
that holds five gallons...

422
00:27:04,418 --> 00:27:07,189
how many buckets
do you have?.

423
00:27:09,129 --> 00:27:11,030
Two?.

424
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,100
Thank you.

425
00:27:20,872 --> 00:27:23,813
[Man Singing]

426
00:27:33,025 --> 00:27:36,286
[ Continues ]

427
00:27:53,081 --> 00:27:55,051
'Too.

428
00:28:00,793 --> 00:28:02,983
[ Continues ]

429
00:28:05,994 --> 00:28:08,165
[ No Audible Dialogue ]

430
00:28:14,346 --> 00:28:17,467
[ Ends ]

431
00:28:17,577 --> 00:28:20,248
[ Narrator]
Desperate and scared...

432
00:28:20,348 --> 00:28:23,149
Joe used his superior
intelligence...

433
00:28:23,259 --> 00:28:26,160
to come up with the best
escape plan he could think of.

434
00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:31,891
Hi. Excuse me. I 'm actually supposed
to be getting out of prison today, sir.

435
00:28:33,101 --> 00:28:35,162
Yeah.

436
00:28:35,272 --> 00:28:38,203
You're in the wrong line,
dumb ass. Over there.

437
00:28:38,303 --> 00:28:41,604
I'm sorry. I am being
a big dumb ass. Sorry.

438
00:28:41,714 --> 00:28:43,374
Hey, uh,
let this dumb ass through.

439
00:28:45,085 --> 00:28:47,055
[ Beeping ]

440
00:28:50,386 --> 00:28:52,947
[ Warning Buzzer Buzzing ]

441
00:28:53,057 --> 00:28:55,027
[ Door Closes ]

442
00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:03,129
'Too.
Yeah. Got it.

443
00:29:03,239 --> 00:29:05,430
[ Beeping ]

444
00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:10,911
Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here.
So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison.

445
00:29:11,011 --> 00:29:12,912
Could you check again?.

446
00:29:13,022 --> 00:29:16,083
'Cause, I was, you know
I was definitely in prison, okay?.

447
00:29:16,183 --> 00:29:20,124
I got sat on my face and everything.
Maybe check those files back there?.

448
00:29:26,706 --> 00:29:30,967
[Alarm Blaring]
[ Electronic Voice ] ""Excape. " ""Excape. "

449
00:29:31,077 --> 00:29:33,637
""Excape. " ""Excape. "

450
00:29:33,747 --> 00:29:37,508
""Excape. " ""Excape. "

451
00:29:40,419 --> 00:29:42,850
[ Man Singing ]

452
00:29:50,262 --> 00:29:52,492
[ Ends ]

453
00:29:54,873 --> 00:29:56,773
[ Man ]
The Masturbation Network.

454
00:29:56,873 --> 00:30:00,364
Keepi n' America 'bati n'
for 3 00 years.

455
00:30:00,474 --> 00:30:03,175
And now, Sweet Bang Tube.
[ Squeaking On TV ]

456
00:30:03,285 --> 00:30:08,046
Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece.
[ Squeaking Continues ]

457
00:30:08,156 --> 00:30:10,147
Oh,yeah, that's-
[ Knocking]

458
00:30:10,257 --> 00:30:12,158
Go away! 'Batin'!

459
00:30:12,258 --> 00:30:14,158
[ Knocking Continues ]

460
00:30:14,258 --> 00:30:16,459
Damn it.

461
00:30:16,569 --> 00:30:19,059
[ Knocking]
All right.

462
00:30:21,070 --> 00:30:24,001
Hey. Hey, get out of here.
Hey, get out of here!

463
00:30:24,111 --> 00:30:28,202
No, wait, listen. You let me,
an innocent man, get thrown in jail.

464
00:30:28,312 --> 00:30:31,683
So?. Shut up,
'cause you broke my house.

465
00:30:31,783 --> 00:30:34,723
Hey, I could have you disbarred
disbarred  for what you did to me.

466
00:30:34,823 --> 00:30:37,484
Then maybe you'd go to jail
for not havin' any money.

467
00:30:37,594 --> 00:30:39,685
Oh, really?.

468
00:30:39,795 --> 00:30:43,096
Yeah, really. Now, look.
Okay, here's the deal.

469
00:30:43,196 --> 00:30:45,186
I've been thinking.
It's been 500 years.

470
00:30:45,296 --> 00:30:48,267
Someone has to have invented a way
to travel back in time by now.

471
00:30:48,367 --> 00:30:51,268
You know, I think they were pretty close
even in my day. You know?.

472
00:30:51,378 --> 00:30:53,278
With Einstein and guys like that?.
Uh-huh.

473
00:30:53,378 --> 00:30:55,939
You know, scientists?. You know?.
Uh.

474
00:30:57,279 --> 00:30:59,180
A time machine,
for time travel.

475
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,911
Do they have one?
What?.

476
00:31:04,121 --> 00:31:06,112
[Tires Squealing,
Car Crashing In Distance ]

477
00:31:06,222 --> 00:31:10,133
Jesus. I knew that was
too much to hope for.

478
00:31:11,233 --> 00:31:13,364
No, no, they got
a time machine.

479
00:31:13,474 --> 00:31:15,374
They do?.
Yeah.

480
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:17,375
Are-Are-Are you sure?.
Yeah.

481
00:31:17,475 --> 00:31:21,306
Can it get me back to 2005?.
Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.

482
00:31:21,416 --> 00:31:24,647
And it breaks all the time 'cause
some smart guy made it a long time ago.

483
00:31:24,747 --> 00:31:26,907
I don't care.
Just get me there, okay?.

484
00:31:27,017 --> 00:31:28,488
Well-
Please!

485
00:31:28,588 --> 00:31:31,819
Listen, II-
I "supersize" with you...

486
00:31:31,929 --> 00:31:34,689
but didn't you go to jail
fornot havin'enough money?

487
00:31:34,799 --> 00:31:38,930
Okay, how about this?. You get me
to the time machine, and when I get back...

488
00:31:39,030 --> 00:31:41,031
I open a savings account
in your name.

489
00:31:41,141 --> 00:31:43,662
That way, 500 years later,
it'll be worth billions.

490
00:31:43,772 --> 00:31:45,302
Billions!
'Cause?.

491
00:31:45,412 --> 00:31:48,243
'Cause of the interest,
it'll be worth billions of dollars.

492
00:31:48,343 --> 00:31:50,904
Oh, I  I like money.
Yeah.

493
00:31:51,014 --> 00:31:54,004
How many billions?.
Like, 10.

494
00:31:54,124 --> 00:31:57,285
Yeah, suck one.
Time machine costs, like, 20.

495
00:31:57,395 --> 00:32:00,186
Yeah?. Okay.
Uh, 30, Frito.

496
00:32:00,296 --> 00:32:03,457
Thirty billion dollars.

497
00:32:03,567 --> 00:32:08,008
Thirty billion.
So if you gave me 30 billion...

498
00:32:08,108 --> 00:32:10,099
and the time machine's 20-

499
00:32:10,209 --> 00:32:12,139
What's the minus
of 30 and 20?.

500
00:32:12,239 --> 00:32:14,970
Uh, it's, uh-
it's 80, Frito.

501
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,611
It's $80 billion.
That's a mighty big minus, isn't it?

502
00:32:17,721 --> 00:32:21,452
Yeah. I like money though.
[ Man ] Police! Open the door!

503
00:32:21,552 --> 00:32:23,712
[ Banging On Door]
We're looking for an "excaped" individual.

504
00:32:23,822 --> 00:32:27,423
This particular individual's name is Not Sure.
Eighty billion.

505
00:32:27,533 --> 00:32:31,524
Oh, um, he-
He's... somewhere else.

506
00:32:31,634 --> 00:32:35,965
You got something I can wear?.
Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top,
assorted in the middle.

507
00:32:36,076 --> 00:32:38,196
[Policeman ]
A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo.

508
00:32:38,306 --> 00:32:41,077
Seemed to be heading
for this particular "domistile."

509
00:32:41,177 --> 00:32:43,578
[ Banging ]
Okay, sir, we're comin' in.

510
00:32:43,688 --> 00:32:45,978
No, you can't come in.
Can too!

511
00:32:46,088 --> 00:32:48,149
Come on!
All right, let's go get my billions.

512
00:32:48,259 --> 00:32:50,349
[ Banging Continues ]

513
00:32:50,459 --> 00:32:54,520
Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find
this girl, Rita, first, okay?.

514
00:32:54,630 --> 00:32:57,391
Is she bangin'?.
Yeah, sure, she is.

515
00:32:57,501 --> 00:32:59,402
That wasn't really
part of the deal.

516
00:32:59,502 --> 00:33:03,403
Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another
couple billion, all right?.
I like money.

517
00:33:03,513 --> 00:33:06,574
Okay, her pod's up here on the right.
She shouldn't be far away, I hope.

518
00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:11,445
Mmm, girl. Oh,yeah?
So when we gonna do it?

519
00:33:11,555 --> 00:33:14,886
'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour,
and it's been, like, three days.

520
00:33:14,986 --> 00:33:18,987
Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon.
Hey, you know what?.

521
00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:21,728
Why don't you
come back tomorrow?.

522
00:33:21,828 --> 00:33:24,458
Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah!
Yeah?.

523
00:33:24,568 --> 00:33:27,729
When I finally utilize you,
you gonna be paying me.

524
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:31,300
That's right.
What ever you say, sir.

525
00:33:31,410 --> 00:33:33,881
Hey, you still on the clock!
Yeah, girl.

526
00:33:33,981 --> 00:33:37,112
Thank you!
Rita!

527
00:33:37,222 --> 00:33:41,083
Rita! It's me,joe, from the experiment.
Get in the car! Come on.

528
00:33:41,193 --> 00:33:43,483
Oh, yeah!
What the hell, man?.

529
00:33:43,593 --> 00:33:45,494
Just get in the car.
I'll explain everything.

530
00:33:45,594 --> 00:33:48,085
Where we going?.
-just get in the car.

531
00:33:48,195 --> 00:33:50,355
Trust me.
What happened to those army guys?

532
00:33:53,236 --> 00:33:55,727
[Siren Blaring]
Wait a minute. You got cops after you?.

533
00:33:55,837 --> 00:33:59,468
Yeah.
And you made me get in the car?.
I got two strikes, asshole!

534
00:33:59,578 --> 00:34:02,048
Frito, take a right here.
Right, right!

535
00:34:02,148 --> 00:34:04,119
Into that dust storm,
Frito.

536
00:34:10,290 --> 00:34:12,351
[joe ]
They must have just forgotten about us.

537
00:34:12,461 --> 00:34:15,862
[ Rita ]
It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no!

538
00:34:15,962 --> 00:34:20,163
Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad
when I'm a day late with his money!

539
00:34:20,273 --> 00:34:22,364
So, you owe
your boyfriend money?.

540
00:34:22,474 --> 00:34:24,964
Well, yeah,
he's sort of my manager too.

541
00:34:25,074 --> 00:34:28,875
You know, he helps me sell
the paintings and shit.

542
00:34:28,985 --> 00:34:34,317
Look, Rita, you gotta understand that
Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now.

543
00:34:34,427 --> 00:34:37,218
Yeah, man, but you said there
was a time machine, right?.
Yeah.

544
00:34:37,328 --> 00:34:40,858
Yeah, there's a time machine
now that can take us back to the past...

545
00:34:40,969 --> 00:34:43,369
but there was no
time machine back then, so-

546
00:34:43,469 --> 00:34:46,400
Upgrayedd don't care where
the time machine is. Now, then, last week-

547
00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,471
He will find a way
to come get his money!

548
00:34:49,571 --> 00:34:52,672
All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it
You know what?.

549
00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:55,342
Last time you told me not to worry
was 500 Goddamn years ago...

550
00:34:55,452 --> 00:34:57,813
when you were trying to tell me
to get into some coffin.

551
00:34:57,923 --> 00:34:59,914
Look, Rita, I don't know
how this happened, okay?.
[ Buzzing]

552
00:35:00,024 --> 00:35:03,324
But I'm doing everything I can
to get us back there, okay?. I promise you.

553
00:35:03,424 --> 00:35:06,985
[ Electronic Voice ] You are harboring
a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure."

554
00:35:07,095 --> 00:35:10,726
Please, pull over and wait for the police
to incarcerate your passenger.

555
00:35:10,836 --> 00:35:13,737
Hell, no. You know what?. Let me outta here.
Thank you for your help.

556
00:35:13,837 --> 00:35:16,068
If you don't have one of these,
they're gonna throw you in jail.

557
00:35:16,178 --> 00:35:19,169
You don't want to get thrown' in the jails here.
I've been in them.

558
00:35:19,279 --> 00:35:22,009
They're bad. You're better off being with us,
as bad as that sounds.

559
00:35:22,119 --> 00:35:26,110
What are you doing?. Why are we slowing down?.
Turned off my battery.

560
00:35:30,562 --> 00:35:34,023
Look, how far is it?.
Can we just take a cab or something?.

561
00:35:34,133 --> 00:35:37,764
[Machine-gun Fire ]

562
00:35:37,874 --> 00:35:39,134
Oh, shit.

563
00:35:45,346 --> 00:35:46,976
[ Explosion ]

564
00:35:47,086 --> 00:35:49,707
Oh! Oh, shit!

565
00:35:49,817 --> 00:35:52,047
[ Cheering ]
Yeah!

566
00:35:52,157 --> 00:35:55,458
What the hell's wrong
with you? That's your car.

567
00:35:56,659 --> 00:36:00,389
[ Frito ]
Oh, hell,yeah! He's on fire!

568
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,300
Come on!
Let's get out of here.

569
00:36:11,782 --> 00:36:13,773
[ Rita ]
Hey, how much farther is it?

570
00:36:15,083 --> 00:36:17,914
Uh, it's, like, far.

571
00:36:18,024 --> 00:36:21,455
Man, I could really
go for a Star bucks, you know?.

572
00:36:21,555 --> 00:36:25,116
Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time
for a hand job,joe.

573
00:36:28,237 --> 00:36:30,798
[ Singing ]

574
00:36:30,908 --> 00:36:33,898
Man, he don't seem too bright.
You sure he knows where he's going?

575
00:36:34,008 --> 00:36:36,199
I sure hope so.
He's our only chance.

576
00:36:36,309 --> 00:36:39,840
[ Continues ]
How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?.

577
00:36:39,950 --> 00:36:44,211
He's my lawyer.
And he's not a very good one either.

578
00:36:44,321 --> 00:36:46,882
[joe ]
He's a Goddamned idiot.

579
00:36:46,992 --> 00:36:51,793
There's a shuttle down in the Costco.
It'll drop us right by the time machine.

580
00:37:10,088 --> 00:37:13,789
Jesus Christ.
Oh, look. One more thing.

581
00:37:13,889 --> 00:37:17,290
He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars
ifhe takes us there.

582
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,531
So if he mentions anything about
a savings account,just play along, okay?.

583
00:37:21,631 --> 00:37:23,531
Yeah, what ifthis
time machine don'twork?.

584
00:37:23,641 --> 00:37:26,932
Then I'll spend
the rest ofmy life trying to fix it.

585
00:37:31,714 --> 00:37:37,245
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.

586
00:37:38,355 --> 00:37:40,726
Welcome to Costco.
I love you.

587
00:37:40,826 --> 00:37:42,727
[ Goats Bleating]
[ Duck Quacking]

588
00:37:42,827 --> 00:37:46,628
Shuttle's down there in electronics,
about an hour from here.

589
00:37:54,580 --> 00:37:56,910
[ Rita ] We've been walking forever.
You sure you know where you're going?.

590
00:37:57,010 --> 00:38:00,501
Yeah, I know this place pretty good.
I went to law school here.

591
00:38:00,621 --> 00:38:02,552
In Costco?.

592
00:38:02,652 --> 00:38:05,052
Yeah. I couldn't
believe it myself.

593
00:38:05,152 --> 00:38:08,823
Luckily, my dad was an alumnus
and pulled some strings.

594
00:38:10,264 --> 00:38:13,065
Hey, come on,joe.
I already told you...

595
00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,265
we'd all like a handjob,
but we don't have time for it.

596
00:38:26,018 --> 00:38:27,918
[ Woman ]
Hey, baby, wanna go out?

597
00:38:28,018 --> 00:38:30,579
Wanna go out, honey?

598
00:38:37,301 --> 00:38:39,922
Shuttle comes every few minutes.
Shouldn't be long.

599
00:38:40,032 --> 00:38:43,763
Do I got time to use the bathroom?.
[ Laughing ]

600
00:38:43,873 --> 00:38:45,863
[ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ]

601
00:38:45,973 --> 00:38:48,674
[Frito ] Uh, the toilet.
Be right back.

602
00:38:49,574 --> 00:38:52,045
Yeah,
back that thing up.

603
00:38:52,145 --> 00:38:54,445
Hey, you mind if I pound on that,joe?.
What?.

604
00:38:54,555 --> 00:38:56,386
I like having sex with chicks.
Yeah?.

605
00:38:56,486 --> 00:38:58,387
Yeah.
I think everybody does, Frito.

606
00:38:58,487 --> 00:39:01,857
Not like I do. Like when you
get it like this, sideways.

607
00:39:01,957 --> 00:39:04,488
Then you just, like,
back it up. And then you

608
00:39:04,598 --> 00:39:06,789
That's real good.
Then you Oh,yeah!

609
00:39:06,899 --> 00:39:08,989
Stop! You're gonna
get us caught, okay?.

610
00:39:09,099 --> 00:39:11,000
[Alarm Blaring]
[ Electronic Voice ] Warning! Warning!

611
00:39:11,110 --> 00:39:13,631
Costco has detected a dangerous
fugitive in aisle 16,702.

612
00:39:13,741 --> 00:39:16,181
Hey! What about Rita?.
We can't just leave her here.

613
00:39:16,281 --> 00:39:18,512
I don't care.
Come on!

614
00:39:18,612 --> 00:39:22,983
[ Sirens Wailing ]
Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do?.

615
00:39:23,083 --> 00:39:25,024
Wait, okay, I know.
Here's what we do.

616
00:39:25,124 --> 00:39:27,884
We go to the time machine,
then when I get back to the past...

617
00:39:27,994 --> 00:39:29,925
I tell her not
to do the experiment.

618
00:39:30,025 --> 00:39:32,225
Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right?.
Uh-

619
00:39:32,335 --> 00:39:34,306
No, wait.
[Electronic Voice ]
Please stand clear of the doors.

620
00:39:34,406 --> 00:39:37,197
She already is here. That must mean
I didn't go back in time, right?.

621
00:39:37,307 --> 00:39:40,508
Uh-
No, wait, hold on. It just
means I haven't done it yet.

622
00:39:40,608 --> 00:39:43,408
Okay, so I go back and I tell
her not to do the experiment.

623
00:39:43,508 --> 00:39:46,069
Then I won't have to do it either
because she won't be here.

624
00:39:46,179 --> 00:39:48,580
Then I won't have to
come back and save her, right?.
I-

625
00:39:48,690 --> 00:39:51,350
But then, wait. Why am I still here?.
Uh-

626
00:39:51,461 --> 00:39:53,421
Goddamn, how does
this time travel work?.

627
00:39:53,521 --> 00:39:57,392
Please stand clear.
[ Policeman ] Freeze! Hands up! Don't move!

628
00:39:57,502 --> 00:40:00,193
Put your hands up!
Don't move! Freeze!

629
00:40:10,346 --> 00:40:13,406
Look, if you guys are
taking me back to that jail...

630
00:40:13,516 --> 00:40:16,247
just go ahead and shoot me,
'cause there's no way-

631
00:40:16,357 --> 00:40:19,618
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow!

632
00:40:19,728 --> 00:40:24,219
What?.
Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow.

633
00:40:24,329 --> 00:40:26,270
[ Policeman ] What?
[ Spraying]

634
00:40:26,370 --> 00:40:28,600
[joe ] Ow! God! Hey, stop!
Damn it.

635
00:40:30,541 --> 00:40:34,242
[joe ] What is this?
[ Policeman ] Okay, sir, this is the White House.

636
00:40:34,342 --> 00:40:36,642
What are we doing at the White House?
What?

637
00:40:36,742 --> 00:40:39,043
[ Spraying ]
Ow! Ow! Goddamn!

638
00:40:39,153 --> 00:40:42,614
[ Narrator] It turned out the results
of joe's I.Q. test...

639
00:40:42,724 --> 00:40:46,815
had caught the attention
of the highest levels of government.

640
00:40:46,925 --> 00:40:51,096
Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy
in the world?. Says who?.

641
00:40:51,196 --> 00:40:53,297
The I.Q test you
took in prison.

642
00:40:53,397 --> 00:40:56,168
You got the highest score in history.
Brought to you by Carl's jr.

643
00:40:56,268 --> 00:40:59,178
Yeah, dumb ass,you're even smarter
than President Camacho.

644
00:40:59,278 --> 00:41:02,039
That's how come he's making
you secretary of interior.

645
00:41:02,149 --> 00:41:04,110
Okay, so who are you?.

646
00:41:04,220 --> 00:41:05,940
I'm the secretary of energy.

647
00:41:06,050 --> 00:41:08,711
He won a contest.
Got to be a cabinet member.

648
00:41:08,821 --> 00:41:12,622
I'm the secretary of state.
Brought to you by Carl's jr.

649
00:41:12,722 --> 00:41:15,993
Why do you keep saying that?.
'Cause they pay me every time I do.

650
00:41:16,093 --> 00:41:19,964
It's a really good way to make money.
You're so smart, why don't you know that?.

651
00:41:20,064 --> 00:41:21,624
[ All Chuckling ]

652
00:41:21,734 --> 00:41:24,295
He's the secretary of defense.
Hi.

653
00:41:24,405 --> 00:41:27,376
And, uh, fun bags over there
is the attorney general.

654
00:41:27,476 --> 00:41:29,806
[ Whispers ]
Hi.

655
00:41:29,917 --> 00:41:32,077
And that's
the secretary of education.

656
00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:37,519
He's kinda stupid, but he's
President Camacho's step brother.

657
00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:39,859
Still, he does
a pretty good job,eh?

658
00:41:39,959 --> 00:41:43,520
You know, I think there's been
some kind of mistake...

659
00:41:43,630 --> 00:41:47,091
'cause the test I took
was real, real easy.

660
00:41:47,201 --> 00:41:51,192
I'm not the smartest guy
in the world. Okay?.

661
00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:59,474
Okay, even if that were true,
I can't be the secretary of the interior.

662
00:41:59,584 --> 00:42:03,045
I don't even know what it is.
[Secretary of State ] You better find out.

663
00:42:03,155 --> 00:42:06,026
Sit down. It's President Camacho.
Hey, hey, hey, yo...

664
00:42:06,126 --> 00:42:10,087
I gotta take care of some "bidness, "baby,
so I need y'all to wait outside.

665
00:42:10,197 --> 00:42:15,138
[ Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho,
five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion...

666
00:42:15,238 --> 00:42:19,200
porn superstar, and president
of the United States...

667
00:42:19,310 --> 00:42:22,710
had called a special summit
with the smartest man in the world.

668
00:42:22,810 --> 00:42:25,441
So you smart, huh?.
No, no.

669
00:42:28,892 --> 00:42:32,053
I thought your head would be bigger.
[ Muttering ]

670
00:42:35,034 --> 00:42:37,154
Goddamn.

671
00:42:37,264 --> 00:42:39,635
It look like a peanut.
[ All Laughing ]

672
00:42:39,735 --> 00:42:41,665
Let's get you sworn in.

673
00:42:49,748 --> 00:42:52,718
[Rock lnstrumental]

674
00:42:56,559 --> 00:42:59,920
[Announcer]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the president of America!

675
00:43:00,030 --> 00:43:02,121
[ Crowd Cheering]

676
00:43:03,531 --> 00:43:06,002
[Announcer]
President Camacho!

677
00:43:07,032 --> 00:43:09,803
[ Laughing ]
Shut up.

678
00:43:09,903 --> 00:43:13,974
Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down.
[ Ends ]

679
00:43:14,084 --> 00:43:15,634
Chill out.

680
00:43:19,886 --> 00:43:21,316
Shit.

681
00:43:23,627 --> 00:43:26,787
I know shit's bad right now
with all that starvin' bullshit.

682
00:43:26,897 --> 00:43:28,628
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.

683
00:43:28,628 --> 00:43:31,469
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.

684
00:43:31,569 --> 00:43:33,199
[ Man ]
Yeah!

685
00:43:33,299 --> 00:43:36,210
But I got a solution.
That's what you said last time, dipshit!

686
00:43:36,310 --> 00:43:38,210
I got a solution.
You're a dick!

687
00:43:38,310 --> 00:43:40,901
South Carolina, "whassup??"'
[ All Cheering ]

688
00:43:48,353 --> 00:43:51,584
That's what I thought!

689
00:43:54,395 --> 00:43:57,666
Now, I understand everyone's
shit's emotional right now...

690
00:43:57,766 --> 00:44:00,296
but listen up.

691
00:44:00,406 --> 00:44:03,167
I got a three-point plan
to fix everything.

692
00:44:03,277 --> 00:44:04,767
[Man ]
Break it down, Camacho!

693
00:44:04,877 --> 00:44:10,079
Number one,
we got this guy, Not Sure.

694
00:44:10,179 --> 00:44:15,020
Number two, he's got a higher
I.Q. than any man alive.
[ Cheering ]

695
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,421
And number three, he's gonna fix everything.
[Applause ]

696
00:44:19,531 --> 00:44:22,762
I give you my word
as president.

697
00:44:22,862 --> 00:44:25,393
He'll fix the problems
with all the dead crops.

698
00:44:25,503 --> 00:44:27,904
He's gonna
make 'em grow again.

699
00:44:28,004 --> 00:44:32,965
Crops?.
And that ain't all. I give you my word.

700
00:44:33,075 --> 00:44:34,945
[ Electric Guitar]

701
00:44:35,045 --> 00:44:38,106
He's gonna fix
the dust storms too.

702
00:44:39,857 --> 00:44:42,447
I give you my word.

703
00:44:42,557 --> 00:44:46,088
He's gonna
fix the "ecomony."

704
00:44:46,198 --> 00:44:48,099
[ Electric Guitar Continues ]

705
00:44:48,199 --> 00:44:50,960
And he's so smart...

706
00:44:51,070 --> 00:44:56,271
he's gonna do it all in one week.
[ Crowd Cheering ]

707
00:44:56,371 --> 00:44:59,932
[ Narrator] President Camacho stood before
the world and promised everyone...

708
00:45:00,042 --> 00:45:03,643
that joe would solve
all their problems.

709
00:45:03,753 --> 00:45:07,914
He would not only end the dust bowl
and heal the economy...

710
00:45:08,024 --> 00:45:10,655
but he would cure acne
and car sickness as well.

711
00:45:10,765 --> 00:45:13,025
And if he didn't...

712
00:45:13,125 --> 00:45:15,626
President Camacho
made another promise.

713
00:45:15,736 --> 00:45:19,367
He would kick joe's smart balls
all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth.

714
00:45:19,467 --> 00:45:23,638
And then, he would throw
his brainy ass back in jail.
[ Shouti ng ]

715
00:45:28,049 --> 00:45:30,240
I should, uh, be honest
with you, Mr. President.

716
00:45:30,350 --> 00:45:32,481
I don't know how to be
secretary of anything.

717
00:45:32,591 --> 00:45:34,051
I mean, I've never
even voted, actually.

718
00:45:34,161 --> 00:45:36,952
I don't know what the secretary
of the interior even is.

719
00:45:37,062 --> 00:45:41,723
Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy.
It beats jail, don't it?.

720
00:45:41,833 --> 00:45:46,164
Besides,
you do a kick-ass job...

721
00:45:46,274 --> 00:45:48,505
you get a full
presidential pardon.

722
00:45:48,605 --> 00:45:50,505
No jail time. [ Laughing ]
Yeah?.

723
00:45:50,605 --> 00:45:54,236
Fuck, yeah!
Now gimme a beer.

724
00:45:54,346 --> 00:45:56,407
And get you one too.

725
00:45:58,317 --> 00:46:00,648
[ Laughing ]

726
00:46:02,288 --> 00:46:04,319
Shit!
[ Laughing ]

727
00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:06,900
Hold on, vato!

728
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:08,730
Whoo!
[Engine Revving]

729
00:46:08,830 --> 00:46:11,931
[ Laughing ]

730
00:46:29,326 --> 00:46:31,456
Do somethin' smart.
Yeah.

731
00:46:32,827 --> 00:46:36,457
Uh, okay.
Uh-

732
00:46:36,568 --> 00:46:39,628
I'll, uh-
[ Door Opens ]

733
00:46:39,738 --> 00:46:43,299
Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted.
Oh, okay. Great, thanks.

734
00:46:43,409 --> 00:46:48,401
Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh,you know,
confer with my counsel.

735
00:46:48,521 --> 00:46:50,381
You understand?
So I'll be right back.

736
00:46:50,481 --> 00:46:53,852
Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff,
get that taken care of.

737
00:46:53,952 --> 00:46:58,623
Hopefully get it worked out
by the time we get back here.
Sounds pretty smart.

738
00:46:58,733 --> 00:47:00,694
Wait here, okay?.
Wait there.

739
00:47:00,794 --> 00:47:03,635
Dude, this is trepidatious.
You got me a room at the White House.

740
00:47:03,735 --> 00:47:05,705
Everyone gets laid at the White House.
Everyone.

741
00:47:05,805 --> 00:47:07,436
Yeah?.
Yeah.

742
00:47:07,536 --> 00:47:10,977
I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito,
but I brought you here to help me.

743
00:47:11,077 --> 00:47:13,737
I don't know the first thing
about growin' crops...

744
00:47:13,847 --> 00:47:16,078
much less
the Goddamn "ecomony."

745
00:47:16,188 --> 00:47:18,118
Econ-Economy.

746
00:47:18,219 --> 00:47:21,159
Let's see.
Growin' crops

747
00:47:21,259 --> 00:47:24,920
No, I just need you to tell me
how to get to the time machine.

748
00:47:25,030 --> 00:47:29,191
Oh, that's easy.
You go down by the museum and stuff.

749
00:47:29,301 --> 00:47:31,332
It's, like-
It's, like, by the museum...

750
00:47:31,442 --> 00:47:34,033
sort of, but, well,
actually, not really.

751
00:47:34,143 --> 00:47:38,674
More like  But on the street. You go, um
Wait. Let me start over.

752
00:47:38,784 --> 00:47:40,644
Okay, you know
where the time machine is?.

753
00:47:40,744 --> 00:47:43,715
Hey. just draw me
a map, okay?.

754
00:47:43,815 --> 00:47:46,446
You still want the money?.

755
00:47:46,556 --> 00:47:49,387
Oh. If I had some money
and a room at the White House...

756
00:47:49,497 --> 00:47:54,398
I would be like, "It's mine, all night!"
Listen. Cut it out!

757
00:47:54,498 --> 00:47:57,299
Listen, I told these people
that you were smart, okay?.

758
00:47:57,399 --> 00:47:59,629
So act smart!
Smart like you?.

759
00:47:59,739 --> 00:48:03,230
[ With Effeminate Voice ] "Oh, I gotta go
to the time machine. I wanna go home. "

760
00:48:03,340 --> 00:48:06,141
I don't talk like that.
"I don't talk like that."

761
00:48:06,251 --> 00:48:08,182
Shit, I thought
there was two of you.

762
00:48:08,282 --> 00:48:10,082
[ Laughs ]
See?.

763
00:48:10,182 --> 00:48:12,743
[ Secretary of Defense ]
Doesn't look that big, is it?

764
00:48:12,853 --> 00:48:15,984
Okay. Let's go take a look
at those crops.

765
00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:20,085
Especially the ones, uh, you know,
out around the museum area.

766
00:48:21,705 --> 00:48:24,396
All right?.
Hey, come on!

767
00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:30,908
Now, you either lead, follow,
or get out of the way. All right?.

768
00:48:31,018 --> 00:48:34,349
Whoa.
Did you just make that up?.

769
00:48:34,449 --> 00:48:37,389
Yes, I did.
Now look...

770
00:48:37,489 --> 00:48:40,080
I also need help finding this girl named Rita,
like, immediately...

771
00:48:40,190 --> 00:48:42,591
and Frito will give you a hand with it.
Why?.

772
00:48:44,331 --> 00:48:49,463
Well, because, uh, you know,
she'd be an essential... integral... asset...

773
00:48:49,573 --> 00:48:54,374
you know, for our team,
for us to,you know, utilize.

774
00:48:56,014 --> 00:48:59,875
[ All Laughing ]

775
00:49:01,016 --> 00:49:03,916
Utilize her!
Utilize her!

776
00:49:04,016 --> 00:49:06,117
[Secretary of State ]
Utilize!

777
00:49:06,227 --> 00:49:09,288
[ Laughing ]
Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right?.

778
00:49:09,398 --> 00:49:12,089
Oh, yeah.
Butt first!

779
00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:14,129
[ All Laughing ]

780
00:49:14,229 --> 00:49:16,940
[Secretary of Defense ] Utilize her!
Okay.

781
00:49:22,581 --> 00:49:25,942
Dang! May I approach
your benches?.

782
00:49:31,554 --> 00:49:34,184
Uh, yeah.
This sucks pretty bad.

783
00:49:34,294 --> 00:49:37,125
Frito, why don't you come over here and,
uh, take a look at this?

784
00:49:37,225 --> 00:49:40,666
Come on. Hustle over here, buddy.
I wanna figure this out.

785
00:49:40,766 --> 00:49:44,567
See, uh, just not a lot of moisture.
Have you got the map?.

786
00:49:44,677 --> 00:49:46,638
Oh, yeah.
Discreetly.

787
00:49:50,979 --> 00:49:53,750
It's right there.
I see it. I see it.

788
00:49:53,850 --> 00:49:56,410
Stand up with me.

789
00:49:56,520 --> 00:50:00,391
Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure.
They found that whore you wanted.

790
00:50:00,491 --> 00:50:03,482
Hey, that may be how you refer
to women in the future, but come on.

791
00:50:03,592 --> 00:50:07,863
No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy
a lotta money and didn't put out.

792
00:50:07,973 --> 00:50:09,964
Don't worry though.
We'll get her out...

793
00:50:10,074 --> 00:50:13,375
on a work-release whorin' license
as long as you're doin' her.

794
00:50:13,475 --> 00:50:16,676
Get your hands off me. What do you think
I'm gonna do, run through the field?.

795
00:50:16,776 --> 00:50:19,116
What the fuck
are you all starin' at?.

796
00:50:19,216 --> 00:50:21,237
-joe?.
That's Not Sure, ma'am.

797
00:50:21,357 --> 00:50:25,258
Secretary Not Sure.
Secretary?. Secretary of what?.

798
00:50:25,358 --> 00:50:29,959
Say, would you guys mind if we had
a little moment together?. Alone?.

799
00:50:30,059 --> 00:50:34,470
You know,
in the bushes?

800
00:50:36,201 --> 00:50:38,141
Oh, man.

801
00:50:39,172 --> 00:50:42,613
[ All Laughing ]

802
00:50:46,714 --> 00:50:50,275
Fuck her,joe!
Hey, you want us to come along,
make sure she puts out?.

803
00:50:50,385 --> 00:50:52,415
No, thanks.
I can handle it. Yeah.

804
00:50:52,525 --> 00:50:55,756
I thought you was in jail.
How'd you get to be the secretary of Interior?.

805
00:50:55,866 --> 00:50:58,157
Just keep walking.
I'll explain everything.

806
00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:08,909
Okay.
Get ready to run.

807
00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:14,011
What?
Oh, Goddamn it.

808
00:51:14,121 --> 00:51:16,922
Way to go, Frito. You know what?.
Just make a run for it anyways.

809
00:51:17,022 --> 00:51:18,952
We'll ask for directions
on the way.

810
00:51:19,062 --> 00:51:22,223
No way. I spent the last two days
looking for it. It ain't easy to find.

811
00:51:22,333 --> 00:51:25,304
Damn it. I can't go back to jail,
and I sure can't solve these problems.

812
00:51:25,404 --> 00:51:28,525
All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd
before he finds me.

813
00:51:28,635 --> 00:51:32,006
Listen to me. Upgrayedd
cannot find you, okay?. It's impossible!

814
00:51:32,106 --> 00:51:34,836
Oh, yeah?.
Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd...

815
00:51:34,946 --> 00:51:36,937
could somehow magically
travel through time...

816
00:51:37,047 --> 00:51:40,488
we got secret service guys with huge guns
protecting us, okay?.

817
00:51:40,588 --> 00:51:42,488
So don't worry.
You're safe.

818
00:51:42,588 --> 00:51:45,749
And you know what?. It's none of my business,
but when we get back...

819
00:51:45,859 --> 00:51:48,490
you and Upgrayedd should seriously think
about couples counseling, okay?.

820
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:53,031
And you should also think about maybe finding
an art manager who's not also your boyfriend.

821
00:51:53,131 --> 00:51:57,232
Hey!
She's not puttin'out?

822
00:51:57,342 --> 00:52:01,473
Uh, no, she is.
We, uh We already did it.

823
00:52:01,583 --> 00:52:04,074
Yeah. He was great.

824
00:52:06,285 --> 00:52:09,946
Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys
were wonderin', uh...

825
00:52:10,056 --> 00:52:12,026
if we'd go family-style
on her.

826
00:52:14,557 --> 00:52:18,018
Uh, yeah,
probably not right now.

827
00:52:18,138 --> 00:52:21,589
We should focus on the crops.
So let's get back to work. Maybe later.

828
00:52:28,711 --> 00:52:30,411
What the hell is this?.

829
00:52:33,322 --> 00:52:37,193
Tastes like Gatorade.
[ Rita ] Is that that Brawndo stuff?

830
00:52:37,293 --> 00:52:41,024
[joe ] They're watering crops
with a sports drink?

831
00:52:42,694 --> 00:52:45,425
[ Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator
had come to replace water...

832
00:52:45,535 --> 00:52:47,696
virtually everywhere.

833
00:52:47,806 --> 00:52:49,996
Water, the basic component
of all life...

834
00:52:50,106 --> 00:52:53,097
had been deemed a threat
to Brawndo's profit margin.

835
00:52:53,207 --> 00:52:56,708
The solution came during
the budget crisis of 2330...

836
00:52:56,818 --> 00:53:01,649
when the Brawndo Corporation
simply bought the F.D.A....

837
00:53:01,759 --> 00:53:03,220
and the F.C.C.....

838
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:05,550
enabling them to say,
do and sell...

839
00:53:05,660 --> 00:53:07,561
anything they wanted.

840
00:53:12,602 --> 00:53:15,233
Joe didn't know
any of this...

841
00:53:15,343 --> 00:53:19,334
but he did see a problem
that he might actually be able to solve.

842
00:53:19,444 --> 00:53:24,005
[ Indistinct ]
With his options running out,
Joe took a bold step.

843
00:53:24,115 --> 00:53:26,246
He would not
get out of the way.

844
00:53:26,356 --> 00:53:29,217
This time, he would lead.

845
00:53:29,327 --> 00:53:31,347
For the last time,
I'm pretty sure...

846
00:53:31,457 --> 00:53:34,428
what's killing the crops
is this Brawndo stuff.

847
00:53:34,528 --> 00:53:37,299
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.

848
00:53:37,399 --> 00:53:39,459
So wait a minute.
What you're saying...

849
00:53:39,569 --> 00:53:43,370
is that you want us
to put water on the crops.

850
00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:46,501
Yes.
Water. Like out the toilet?.

851
00:53:46,611 --> 00:53:50,602
Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be
out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.

852
00:53:50,712 --> 00:53:54,053
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.

853
00:53:54,153 --> 00:53:56,124
Okay, look.

854
00:53:56,224 --> 00:53:59,715
The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure
that the Brawndo's not working.

855
00:53:59,825 --> 00:54:04,496
Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know
that if you put water on plants, they grow.

856
00:54:04,596 --> 00:54:08,297
Well, I've never seen no plants
grow out of no toilet.

857
00:54:08,407 --> 00:54:11,668
Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't
the smartest guy in the world?.

858
00:54:11,778 --> 00:54:15,739
[ Chuckling ]
You wanna solve this problem.
I wanna get my pardon.

859
00:54:15,849 --> 00:54:19,810
So why don't we just try it, okay,
and not worry about what plants crave?.

860
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,391
Brawndo's got
what plants crave.

861
00:54:22,491 --> 00:54:25,011
Goddamn it.
Yeah, it's got electrolytes.

862
00:54:25,131 --> 00:54:27,562
What are electrolytes?.
Do you even know?.

863
00:54:27,662 --> 00:54:30,433
It's what they use
to make Brawndo.

864
00:54:30,533 --> 00:54:33,163
Yeah, but why do they
use them to make Brawndo?.

865
00:54:33,273 --> 00:54:35,834
'Cause Brawndo's
got electrolytes.

866
00:54:38,845 --> 00:54:43,286
[ Narrator] After several hours,
Joe finally gave up on logic and reason...

867
00:54:43,386 --> 00:54:46,447
and simply told the cabinet
that he could talk to plants...

868
00:54:46,557 --> 00:54:49,178
and that they wanted water.

869
00:54:50,288 --> 00:54:52,629
He made believers
out of everyone.

870
00:54:52,729 --> 00:54:56,290
Joe didn't know it,
but the beloved electrolytes...

871
00:54:56,400 --> 00:55:00,361
were salts that had been
building up in the topsoil over the decades...

872
00:55:00,471 --> 00:55:03,201
killing plants
and leading to the dust bowl.

873
00:55:03,311 --> 00:55:09,043
As secretary of the interior,
Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water...

874
00:55:09,153 --> 00:55:14,284
promising that, over time, plants would grow
and the dust bowl would end.

875
00:55:14,384 --> 00:55:18,415
He was on the fast track
to a full presidential pardon.

876
00:55:18,525 --> 00:55:21,656
Or so it seemed.
[ Al I Shouti ng ]

877
00:55:22,767 --> 00:55:26,668
Man, I hope somethin'
grows fast.

878
00:55:26,768 --> 00:55:28,758
Yeah. So we can haul
our ass back home.

879
00:55:28,878 --> 00:55:32,469
Man. You really think those people
would have starved to death?.

880
00:55:34,009 --> 00:55:38,641
I don't know. I mean, how did the world
ever get like this?.

881
00:55:38,751 --> 00:55:42,622
You know things are bad
when they're comin' to me for answers.

882
00:55:42,722 --> 00:55:45,493
It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone.
Mm-hmm.

883
00:55:45,593 --> 00:55:47,823
I'm not used to it.
Yeah. Me neither.

884
00:55:50,564 --> 00:55:54,305
You think Einstein walked around thinkin'
everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?.

885
00:55:54,405 --> 00:55:56,966
Yeah.
Hadn't thought of that.

886
00:55:57,076 --> 00:56:01,207
Now you know why he built that bomb.
Yeah.

887
00:56:03,617 --> 00:56:05,818
Hey,joe, listen.
Those cops

888
00:56:05,918 --> 00:56:08,189
Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that.
No. No.

889
00:56:08,289 --> 00:56:11,319
They said that
you got me a pardon.

890
00:56:11,429 --> 00:56:14,450
You know, if you hadn't done that,
I'd still be in jail right now, so...

891
00:56:15,771 --> 00:56:18,391
I guess I owe you one.

892
00:56:20,602 --> 00:56:24,173
You know, you don't have to sleep
on the floor if you don't want to.

893
00:56:25,583 --> 00:56:29,744
Oh. No. I'm-
I'm all right. Yeah.

894
00:56:29,854 --> 00:56:33,915
Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd
would be too happy about that.

895
00:56:34,025 --> 00:56:35,686
You in bed with a stranger.

896
00:56:37,426 --> 00:56:39,687
[ Snickers ]
Yeah.

897
00:56:39,797 --> 00:56:42,498
[ Laughing ]

898
00:56:42,598 --> 00:56:44,428
I know. I know.

899
00:56:44,538 --> 00:56:46,439
[Laughing Continues ]

900
00:56:46,539 --> 00:56:51,530
[joe ]
Yeah. Oh, boy.

901
00:56:59,492 --> 00:57:02,053
Oh, shit.
It's Upgrayedd.

902
00:57:02,163 --> 00:57:04,593
[joe ]
Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd.

903
00:57:04,693 --> 00:57:06,994
[ Narrator] Given enough time,
Joe's plan might have worked.

904
00:57:07,094 --> 00:57:09,435
But when the Brawndo stock
suddenly dropped to zero...

905
00:57:09,535 --> 00:57:11,965
Leaving half the population
unemployed...

906
00:57:12,075 --> 00:57:15,766
dumb, angry mobs took to the streets,
rioting and looting...

907
00:57:15,876 --> 00:57:17,807
and screaming
for joe's head.

908
00:57:17,907 --> 00:57:20,608
An emergency cabinet meeting
was called...

909
00:57:20,718 --> 00:57:23,048
with the C.E.O.
of the Brawndo Corporation.

910
00:57:23,148 --> 00:57:25,619
How come nobody's buying
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?.

911
00:57:25,719 --> 00:57:28,090
Aw, shit. Half the country
works for Brawndo.

912
00:57:28,190 --> 00:57:30,960
Not anymore!
The stock has dropped to zero...

913
00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:33,221
and the computer did
that auto-layoff thing to everybody.

914
00:57:33,331 --> 00:57:35,892
We're all unemployed!
You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?.

915
00:57:36,002 --> 00:57:40,063
Why is this happening?.
I think it's because we switched to water, but-

916
00:57:40,173 --> 00:57:42,663
You mean this is all your fault?.
What?.

917
00:57:42,773 --> 00:57:46,615
Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started
happening when we switched to water!

918
00:57:46,715 --> 00:57:50,616
Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you
by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr.

919
00:57:53,356 --> 00:57:55,157
[Announcer]
Fox News.

920
00:57:58,398 --> 00:58:01,458
He tried taking water
from toilets...

921
00:58:01,568 --> 00:58:05,499
but it's Secretary Not Sure
who finds himself in the toilet now.

922
00:58:05,610 --> 00:58:07,510
And as history
pulls down its pants...

923
00:58:07,610 --> 00:58:10,871
and prepares to lower its ass
on Not Sure's head...

924
00:58:10,981 --> 00:58:14,972
it will be Daddy justice
who will be crapping on him this time.

925
00:58:15,082 --> 00:58:19,283
We now go live to Violence Channel
correspondent Formica Davis...

926
00:58:19,393 --> 00:58:23,254
at the Extreme Court
with highlights on today's trial.

927
00:58:25,765 --> 00:58:29,966
Thank you, Velveeta.
Well, it started off boring and slow...

928
00:58:30,066 --> 00:58:33,627
with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone
with a bunch of smart talk.

929
00:58:33,737 --> 00:58:37,838
[ With Effeminate Voice ]
Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me!

930
00:58:37,948 --> 00:58:39,939
[ Normal Voice ]
That part of the trial sucked.

931
00:58:40,049 --> 00:58:42,709
But then, the chief "j"
just went off.

932
00:58:42,819 --> 00:58:44,840
He said, ""Man, whatever.

933
00:58:44,950 --> 00:58:47,551
The guy's guilty as shit.
We all know that. "

934
00:58:47,661 --> 00:58:51,422
And he sentenced his ass
to one night of Rehabilitation.

935
00:58:51,532 --> 00:58:54,092
Hey, rehabilitation?.
One night?.

936
00:58:54,202 --> 00:58:56,103
Doesn't sound so bad.

937
00:58:56,203 --> 00:58:58,063
Not so bad, huh?.

938
00:58:58,173 --> 00:59:01,434
Here's some highlights
from last week's Rehabilitation.

939
00:59:01,544 --> 00:59:03,845
[ Crowd Cheering]

940
00:59:05,285 --> 00:59:07,246
[ Engine Revving]

941
00:59:12,427 --> 00:59:15,518
[ Formica ]
And who could forget that wonderful finish...

942
00:59:15,628 --> 00:59:18,119
by Rehab Officer Tylenol jones?

943
00:59:18,229 --> 00:59:21,930
[ Chuckl i ng ]
And tomorrow night looks even more better.

944
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:26,441
Word is that Beef Supreme himself
might come out of retirement.

945
00:59:26,541 --> 00:59:29,242
Wow. Thank you, Formica.

946
00:59:30,712 --> 00:59:33,703
So you think you can escape again
like you did last time?.

947
00:59:33,813 --> 00:59:36,614
No. They pretty much fixed that.
How?.

948
00:59:36,724 --> 00:59:38,984
They chained me
to a big rock.

949
00:59:40,395 --> 00:59:42,295
[Rita ] Oh.
Yeah.

950
00:59:42,395 --> 00:59:44,586
Look, Rita, get Frito.

951
00:59:44,696 --> 00:59:47,827
Get him to take you back to the time machine
without me. Don't wait.

952
00:59:47,937 --> 00:59:51,958
No. You could have split on me before,
but you didn't.

953
00:59:52,078 --> 00:59:55,479
Look, you wanna pay me back?.
Just go back, okay?.

954
00:59:55,579 --> 00:59:58,139
Tell people to read books.

955
00:59:58,249 --> 01:00:00,340
Tell people to stay in school,
you know.

956
01:00:00,450 --> 01:00:03,981
Tell people to just
use their brains or something.

957
01:00:04,091 --> 01:00:07,282
I think maybe the world got like this
because of people like me.

958
01:00:07,392 --> 01:00:11,993
I never did anything with my life.
At least you were an artist, you know?.

959
01:00:12,103 --> 01:00:14,664
So just go back and-
[ Guard] Visit's over!

960
01:00:17,634 --> 01:00:21,095
And Rita, whatever you do,
keep painting, okay?.

961
01:00:22,646 --> 01:00:24,616
Good luck,joe.

962
01:00:29,988 --> 01:00:31,648
[ Groans ]

963
01:00:31,818 --> 01:00:34,689
[Announcer]
Okay, that's five down and one more to go.

964
01:00:34,789 --> 01:00:38,490
Are you ready for a monster-truck duel
to the death?

965
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:42,131
Yeah! Let's give it up
for the Guitar Army.

966
01:00:42,241 --> 01:00:44,141
[ Rock ]

967
01:00:44,241 --> 01:00:46,212
[Announcer]
Okay, we're gonna do this shit.

968
01:00:46,312 --> 01:00:49,473
But first, to lead us
in our Natural Anthem...

969
01:00:49,583 --> 01:00:54,344
the star of Ow! My Balls!
Hormel Chavez!

970
01:00:54,454 --> 01:00:57,385
Thank you. Thank you.

971
01:00:57,485 --> 01:01:02,486
[ Man ] Hey! Come here!
[ Singing Patriotic Song ]

972
01:01:02,596 --> 01:01:06,157
Come here!
[ Continues ]

973
01:01:06,267 --> 01:01:08,168
[ Groans ]
[Announcer] Right in the balls!

974
01:01:08,268 --> 01:01:13,069
[ All Laughing ]
That's just how that shit went on TV!

975
01:01:13,179 --> 01:01:17,410
[ Announcer] This execution is brought to you
by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator.

976
01:01:17,510 --> 01:01:19,411
After you've killed someone...
[ Knocking]

977
01:01:19,521 --> 01:01:21,451
your body needs electrolytes.
Yeah.

978
01:01:21,551 --> 01:01:24,852
So, my car's out front...

979
01:01:24,952 --> 01:01:27,223
whenever you want me
to take you...

980
01:01:27,323 --> 01:01:29,553
to the time machine.

981
01:01:29,663 --> 01:01:31,594
Thanks, Frito.

982
01:01:31,694 --> 01:01:33,795
Yeah.
[Announcer] I can't hear you!

983
01:01:33,905 --> 01:01:37,095
That's a real bummer
about joe, huh?.

984
01:01:37,205 --> 01:01:39,796
[Announcer] I can't hear you!
Yeah.

985
01:01:39,906 --> 01:01:45,368
Oh! Can you turn this up?
I love Rehabilitation.

986
01:01:56,901 --> 01:02:01,362
[Announcer] Okay. Let's meet
our rehabilitation officers for tonight.

987
01:02:01,472 --> 01:02:04,773
With a combined record
of 6.2 kills...

988
01:02:04,873 --> 01:02:09,714
please welcome Vinny Mawumba
in the Dildozer!

989
01:02:15,526 --> 01:02:21,287
And his brother Bobby Mawumba
in the Ass Blaster!

990
01:02:21,397 --> 01:02:23,368
I get a truck too, right?.

991
01:02:23,468 --> 01:02:26,198
Yeah.
Here it comes.

992
01:02:26,298 --> 01:02:28,829
[ Engine Sputtering ]

993
01:02:31,140 --> 01:02:34,110
[ Guards Chuckling ]

994
01:02:35,851 --> 01:02:37,811
Get in.

995
01:02:42,323 --> 01:02:44,683
You still got
the chain attached.

996
01:02:46,894 --> 01:02:49,454
[ Guard] Door won't shut.
What about the chain?.

997
01:02:49,565 --> 01:02:51,535
We could break it.
No. He could escape.

998
01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:55,196
I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk.
Yeah. That'll work.

999
01:02:58,777 --> 01:03:02,338
[ Guard] Who's smart now?
[Announcer] Let's bring out our criminal.

1000
01:03:02,448 --> 01:03:05,579
He tried to ruin the country
by pouring toilet water on crops.

1001
01:03:05,689 --> 01:03:08,089
He cost millions ofpeople
their jobs.

1002
01:03:08,189 --> 01:03:11,520
Let's get ready
to rehabilitate Not Sure!

1003
01:03:13,191 --> 01:03:16,922
[ All Laughing ]

1004
01:03:23,543 --> 01:03:25,904
Never would have guessed
this is how I was gonna die.

1005
01:03:26,014 --> 01:03:28,915
[Announcer]
Are you ready for some car-on-car action?

1006
01:03:29,015 --> 01:03:30,985
Yes.

1007
01:03:32,086 --> 01:03:34,916
I can't watch this.
This is-

1008
01:03:35,017 --> 01:03:39,518
This is gonna be so sad.
I hope I don't cry.

1009
01:03:41,328 --> 01:03:45,229
Holy shit!
Frito, come here! Look!

1010
01:03:45,329 --> 01:03:47,800
He was right.
The water it worked.

1011
01:03:47,900 --> 01:03:50,531
Frito, can you
get me over there?.

1012
01:03:51,511 --> 01:03:53,411
Yes.

1013
01:03:53,511 --> 01:03:56,502
No, you fuckin' moron.
To the Rehabilitation place.

1014
01:03:56,612 --> 01:03:58,643
Uh, this way.
Yeah!

1015
01:04:03,224 --> 01:04:05,124
Come on, Frito.
Hurry!

1016
01:04:05,225 --> 01:04:08,255
[Announcer]And now the dude that
everybody came here to see...

1017
01:04:08,365 --> 01:04:11,956
Yeah!
the only undefeated officer ever in history...

1018
01:04:12,066 --> 01:04:15,597
coming out of retirement
just to pound Not Sure's ass...

1019
01:04:15,707 --> 01:04:20,669
driving the biggest, hugest correctional
vehicle ever built in history-

1020
01:04:20,779 --> 01:04:24,650
bigger than the Dildozer,
bigger than the Ass Blaster...

1021
01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:28,781
bigger and huger than everything
ever before in history-

1022
01:04:28,891 --> 01:04:31,822
the brand-new Assdozer!

1023
01:04:31,922 --> 01:04:34,622
Give it up for Beef Supreme!
[ Rock ]

1024
01:04:38,203 --> 01:04:40,104
Oh!

1025
01:04:46,115 --> 01:04:48,046
Oh!

1026
01:05:02,430 --> 01:05:05,700
[Announcer]
Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh?

1027
01:05:05,801 --> 01:05:08,291
We seem to be
"experimenting"...

1028
01:05:08,401 --> 01:05:11,702
some "techmological"
differences...

1029
01:05:11,812 --> 01:05:13,713
so, uh, shit.

1030
01:05:13,813 --> 01:05:17,184
Frito, look!

1031
01:05:17,284 --> 01:05:19,484
I t's working everywhere!
Huh.

1032
01:05:19,584 --> 01:05:23,645
[Announcer]
Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks.

1033
01:05:23,755 --> 01:05:26,886
Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was-
Man.

1034
01:05:26,996 --> 01:05:29,017
Hey!
Oh, oh, okay.

1035
01:05:29,137 --> 01:05:31,327
Get this shit started!
We're gonna start without Beef Supreme.

1036
01:05:31,437 --> 01:05:35,168
Let the rehabilitation begin!

1037
01:05:44,721 --> 01:05:47,281
[ Engine Stalls ]
Oh, shit.

1038
01:05:47,391 --> 01:05:50,292
Come on. Come on.
[ Engine Cranking ]

1039
01:05:50,392 --> 01:05:52,863
[ Rita ]
Come on, Frito. Hurry!

1040
01:05:55,494 --> 01:05:58,194
Oh!
[ Engine Starts ]

1041
01:06:02,906 --> 01:06:04,436
Goddamn it.

1042
01:06:06,847 --> 01:06:10,718
Yeah!
-jesus, that was close.

1043
01:06:13,218 --> 01:06:16,119
Mr. President! Mr. President,
I need to talk to you.

1044
01:06:16,229 --> 01:06:18,420
You gotta stop this thing.
He was right about the water.

1045
01:06:18,530 --> 01:06:21,430
We passed some crops
on the wayhere. They're growing.

1046
01:06:21,531 --> 01:06:23,431
I didn't see no crops.

1047
01:06:24,571 --> 01:06:26,262
[Announcer]
They're circling around.

1048
01:06:26,372 --> 01:06:28,892
They're gonna do
the Malachi Crunch on him!

1049
01:06:31,543 --> 01:06:34,944
This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody.
Oh!

1050
01:06:55,780 --> 01:06:58,770
[Announcer]
So, uh So the winner is, uh-

1051
01:07:00,581 --> 01:07:03,782
[Announcer] You gotta be shittin' me.
Did he win?.

1052
01:07:06,652 --> 01:07:08,853
Uh-oh. Look.

1053
01:07:10,723 --> 01:07:14,454
[Announcer]
Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme!

1054
01:07:14,565 --> 01:07:17,195
[ Rock ]

1055
01:07:21,806 --> 01:07:23,567
[Announcer]
Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah!

1056
01:07:23,677 --> 01:07:27,948
Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember
those crops we saw off the road...

1057
01:07:28,048 --> 01:07:30,679
right by the Star bucks?.
Uh-huh.

1058
01:07:30,789 --> 01:07:34,880
Hey. Wanna make some money?.
I like money.

1059
01:07:49,104 --> 01:07:53,405
Hey, um, the, uh  the main
screen is malfunctioning...

1060
01:07:53,515 --> 01:07:56,035
and they gonna need you
outside immediately.

1061
01:07:59,256 --> 01:08:02,277
There's a bunch of whores
in the hallway.

1062
01:08:05,458 --> 01:08:07,959
Come on, Frito.
Hurry.

1063
01:08:09,029 --> 01:08:11,129
Can't believe
you like money too.

1064
01:08:11,239 --> 01:08:13,730
We should hang out.
Totally.

1065
01:08:39,067 --> 01:08:41,097
[Announcer]
He's behind the truck!

1066
01:08:43,208 --> 01:08:45,979
Yes! Yes!
[ Mouthing Words ]

1067
01:08:47,349 --> 01:08:49,410
He's behind the fucking truck!
He's over there!

1068
01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:51,580
[Announcer]
Behind the truck, stupid!

1069
01:09:01,903 --> 01:09:03,493
Look!

1070
01:09:05,704 --> 01:09:09,265
Shit.
That's a good deal.

1071
01:09:09,375 --> 01:09:13,876
[ Frito ] Extra foam.
I got a bunch of money too.

1072
01:09:13,986 --> 01:09:16,607
Forgot what it was for.
Huh.

1073
01:09:17,887 --> 01:09:21,688
You think it was for lattes?.
Yeah. Probably.

1074
01:09:21,788 --> 01:09:26,059
[ Frito ] You like moneyand sex?
You're trippin'me out.
What the fuck?.

1075
01:09:28,300 --> 01:09:30,530
Yeah!
Yeah!

1076
01:09:40,183 --> 01:09:44,054
-just hold on, okay?.
Everyone just take it easy, okay?.
[ Crowd Booing ]

1077
01:09:44,154 --> 01:09:46,055
Can I just
say something here?.

1078
01:09:48,455 --> 01:09:51,396
I don't even know
what I'm guilty of here.

1079
01:09:51,496 --> 01:09:55,397
I never said that I was the smartest person
on earth. You people did.

1080
01:09:55,497 --> 01:09:59,168
I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs
and all your money...

1081
01:09:59,268 --> 01:10:01,399
and I'm very sorry
that that happened.

1082
01:10:01,509 --> 01:10:03,539
But I'm tellin' you...

1083
01:10:03,649 --> 01:10:06,010
if you put water on the crops,
it might actually

1084
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:09,111
No, it will work.
I promise you!

1085
01:10:09,221 --> 01:10:13,622
You just have to believe me.
I just wanted to help you. That's all.

1086
01:10:13,722 --> 01:10:18,563
So you can try and shoot me.
You can try and run me over, whatever.

1087
01:10:18,663 --> 01:10:22,124
But I just want you to ask yourselves
one question first.

1088
01:10:23,334 --> 01:10:25,865
Do you really want to live
in a world...

1089
01:10:25,975 --> 01:10:29,466
where you try to blow up the one person
that's tryin' to help you?.

1090
01:10:36,018 --> 01:10:40,219
[ All Laughing ]

1091
01:10:40,329 --> 01:10:42,559
Hold on.just hold on.

1092
01:10:55,513 --> 01:10:57,633
[ Indistinct ]

1093
01:11:03,955 --> 01:11:06,146
Oh, man.
That was great.

1094
01:11:06,256 --> 01:11:09,917
Hey, was I wearing pants
when we went in there?.

1095
01:11:10,027 --> 01:11:13,428
Shit. What do I look like,
a pants goblin?.

1096
01:11:13,538 --> 01:11:16,869
Wait.
This reminds me of something.

1097
01:11:16,969 --> 01:11:19,839
Uh, ""Rehabil-Rehabilate-

1098
01:11:19,939 --> 01:11:23,140
Rehabilation."
Why do you keep trying to read that word?.

1099
01:11:23,250 --> 01:11:26,771
You a fag?.
I'll fag your face!

1100
01:11:35,423 --> 01:11:38,454
Come on, Frito.
Yeah. I don't think so.

1101
01:11:39,835 --> 01:11:42,305
Oh, yeah.

1102
01:12:23,826 --> 01:12:28,287
This guy just got
his ass a pardon!

1103
01:12:28,397 --> 01:12:31,958
[ All Cheering ]

1104
01:12:36,309 --> 01:12:38,070
[ Laughing ]
Yeah!

1105
01:12:38,240 --> 01:12:41,141
[Rock]

1106
01:12:52,354 --> 01:12:55,795
Man, Rita. I mean,
I don't know what to say.

1107
01:12:55,895 --> 01:12:59,166
You saved my life.
No one's ever done anything like that for me.

1108
01:12:59,266 --> 01:13:01,166
Yeah, well...

1109
01:13:01,266 --> 01:13:04,297
you were looking out for the whole world so,
you know...

1110
01:13:04,407 --> 01:13:08,108
I thought someone should look out for you too.
Thanks.

1111
01:13:09,718 --> 01:13:12,079
I can't believe I'm even
saying this, but...

1112
01:13:12,179 --> 01:13:14,179
even though these people
tried to kill me...

1113
01:13:14,290 --> 01:13:17,740
you know, I think I'm actually gonna
kinda miss'em.
Yeah.

1114
01:13:17,860 --> 01:13:20,691
Frito  he's gonna give us
a ride back to the time machine.

1115
01:13:20,791 --> 01:13:24,022
I just, uh
I hope he's okay to drive.

1116
01:13:25,462 --> 01:13:28,593
It's you. Oh, man,
I really love your show.

1117
01:13:28,703 --> 01:13:31,004
Thank you so much.

1118
01:13:31,104 --> 01:13:36,275
Uh,joe, I'm not going.
What?.

1119
01:13:38,086 --> 01:13:41,947
I had some pretty bad habits back there
that I don't want to fall into again.

1120
01:13:42,057 --> 01:13:44,027
Maybe it's time
I got a new start.

1121
01:13:44,127 --> 01:13:48,258
Besides, they offered me
a pretty good job at Star bucks here.

1122
01:13:48,359 --> 01:13:51,029
I'm gonna be a C.E.O.
At Star bucks?.

1123
01:13:51,129 --> 01:13:53,970
Yeah.
Yeah?. You're still gonna paint though, right?.

1124
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:59,041
Yeah. Sure.

1125
01:13:59,141 --> 01:14:00,972
I guess this is
good-bye then.

1126
01:14:02,842 --> 01:14:05,073
[ Camacho ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

1127
01:14:05,183 --> 01:14:07,654
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!

1128
01:14:07,654 --> 01:14:09,344
I got a couple
presidential decrees to make!

1129
01:14:09,454 --> 01:14:13,685
Not Sure, get your ass up here,
wherever you is.

1130
01:14:13,795 --> 01:14:16,196
[ Crowd Cheering ]

1131
01:14:16,296 --> 01:14:18,526
Let me get that little
peanut head up here.

1132
01:14:18,637 --> 01:14:21,397
Yo. Yo.
[ Laughs ]

1133
01:14:21,507 --> 01:14:23,438
I have decided...

1134
01:14:23,538 --> 01:14:26,068
to make this man-

1135
01:14:26,179 --> 01:14:29,109
the man who solved
all our problems

1136
01:14:30,450 --> 01:14:33,110
I have decided to make him...

1137
01:14:33,220 --> 01:14:35,521
my new vice president.

1138
01:14:35,621 --> 01:14:37,952
[ All Cheering ]

1139
01:14:38,062 --> 01:14:41,293
Mr. President, thanks.
That's real cool of you, sir...

1140
01:14:41,393 --> 01:14:45,264
but I can't accept it, sir.
What?. Why?.

1141
01:14:45,364 --> 01:14:50,105
You know, I gotta get home.
But we still got all these problems.

1142
01:14:50,205 --> 01:14:53,196
Look, you know, you're just gonna
have to solve 'em yourselves.

1143
01:14:53,316 --> 01:14:55,776
How?.
Think about it, you know?.

1144
01:14:55,876 --> 01:14:58,937
You're just gonna have to figure it out
like we did with the crops.

1145
01:14:59,047 --> 01:15:03,578
But how are we gonna figure out about
the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"?

1146
01:15:03,688 --> 01:15:09,530
And what about the nuc-
"nucular" reactor in Florida?

1147
01:15:09,630 --> 01:15:12,101
I t's broke and leaky
and something's happening.

1148
01:15:12,201 --> 01:15:17,572
I thought it was in Georgia.
Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass.

1149
01:15:17,672 --> 01:15:20,733
Hey. Hey, I know.
Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?.

1150
01:15:20,843 --> 01:15:23,904
Yeah!
Good, good. That's a good idea.

1151
01:15:24,014 --> 01:15:26,715
[Minister of Defense ] Like we did on the crops.
Come on, vato.

1152
01:15:26,825 --> 01:15:29,115
Hey, you can't leave.

1153
01:15:29,225 --> 01:15:35,167
Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow,
or get outta the way" shit, huh?.

1154
01:15:45,940 --> 01:15:50,351
I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore,
can I?. You know what?.

1155
01:15:50,451 --> 01:15:53,352
Forget about the time machine.
Yeah!

1156
01:15:53,452 --> 01:15:56,012
[ All Cheering ]

1157
01:15:57,393 --> 01:16:00,794
That ride sucks anyways.

1158
01:16:00,894 --> 01:16:03,024
Ride?.

1159
01:16:06,505 --> 01:16:08,976
[Male Voice ]
Welcome to the Time Masheen.

1160
01:16:09,076 --> 01:16:13,567
We are going to take you back,
first to the year 1939...

1161
01:16:13,677 --> 01:16:16,168
when Charlie Chaplin
and his evil Nazi regime...

1162
01:16:16,278 --> 01:16:19,338
enslaved Europe and tried
to take over the world.

1163
01:16:19,448 --> 01:16:22,049
So you knew this thing
was just a ride the whole time?

1164
01:16:22,159 --> 01:16:25,650
Yeah. You thought you could really
travel through time, huh?.

1165
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:28,131
Yeah, I guess I did.
Yeah.

1166
01:16:28,231 --> 01:16:31,172
For the smartest guy in the world,
you're pretty dumb sometimes.

1167
01:16:31,272 --> 01:16:36,173
So why didn't you tell us?.
'Cause I like money. I'm sorry.

1168
01:16:36,273 --> 01:16:40,074
But if it's not a real time machine,
there wouldn't have been any money.

1169
01:16:40,184 --> 01:16:43,675
You know, 'cause I can't go back in time
and open a savings account.

1170
01:16:43,785 --> 01:16:46,716
Uh, uh, uh-

1171
01:16:46,826 --> 01:16:49,586
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It's okay.

1172
01:16:51,127 --> 01:16:53,057
Well,
I guess we're stuck here.

1173
01:16:53,167 --> 01:16:58,259
[Male Voice ] But then an even
greater force emerged the "UN. "

1174
01:16:58,369 --> 01:17:02,410
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.

1175
01:17:02,410 --> 01:17:02,670
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.

1176
01:17:02,840 --> 01:17:06,331
[ Narrator] And so, after serving a short
term as vice president...

1177
01:17:06,441 --> 01:17:09,742
Joe was elected
the president of America.

1178
01:17:09,852 --> 01:17:12,012
Frito became vice president...

1179
01:17:12,122 --> 01:17:15,283
and Rita, the former prostitute,
became first lady.

1180
01:17:15,393 --> 01:17:18,884
Today I step into the shoes
of a great man...

1181
01:17:18,994 --> 01:17:23,125
a man by the name
of Dwayne Elizondo...

1182
01:17:23,235 --> 01:17:27,226
Mountain Dew
Herbert Camacho.

1183
01:17:27,336 --> 01:17:31,467
[ Narrator] Under President Not Sure's
leadership, a new era dawned.

1184
01:17:31,577 --> 01:17:35,408
You know, there was a time
in this country...

1185
01:17:35,519 --> 01:17:39,780
when smart people
were considered cool.

1186
01:17:39,890 --> 01:17:42,820
Well, maybe not cool,
but smart people did things...

1187
01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:46,992
Iike build ships and pyramids,
and they even went to the moon.

1188
01:17:47,102 --> 01:17:48,622
[ Man ]
Yeah!

1189
01:17:50,773 --> 01:17:54,964
And there was a time
in this country, a long time ago...

1190
01:17:55,074 --> 01:17:57,474
when reading wasn't
just for fags...

1191
01:17:57,574 --> 01:17:59,845
and neither was writing.

1192
01:17:59,945 --> 01:18:04,046
People wrote books and movies,
movies that had stories...

1193
01:18:04,156 --> 01:18:08,457
so you cared whose ass it was
and why it was farting.

1194
01:18:08,557 --> 01:18:12,018
And I believe that time
can come again!

1195
01:18:12,128 --> 01:18:14,059
[ All Cheering ]

1196
01:18:23,941 --> 01:18:27,542
[ All Chanting ]
Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure!

1197
01:18:31,383 --> 01:18:33,354
[Narrator]
Joe and Rita had three children...

1198
01:18:33,454 --> 01:18:36,255
the three smartest kids
in the world.

1199
01:18:37,395 --> 01:18:39,886
Vice President Frito
took eight wives...

1200
01:18:39,996 --> 01:18:42,436
and had a total of 32 kids-

1201
01:18:42,536 --> 01:18:45,767
thirty-two of the dumbest kids
ever to walk the earth.

1202
01:18:51,008 --> 01:18:54,179
Okay, so maybe joe
didn't save mankind...

1203
01:18:54,279 --> 01:18:56,720
but he got the ball rolling...

1204
01:18:56,820 --> 01:19:00,621
and that's pretty good
for an average guy.

1205
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:03,301
I'm gonna go find this ho.